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Does anyone have someone who fully understands and accepts them as autistic?

Roy

It’s just something I have been personally struggling with, I’m starting to realise how alone I am. It’s great to have you lot to ask questions and chat to, but in my everyday life I’ve stopped even mentioning autism, this is mainly with family. 
Being autistic I can cope with, after all I coped for 54 years before I new there was a name for how I function. Now I sound like them.

I may act ‘robotic’ a lot of the time but I do feel hurt, I feel guilt for being fussy about food, not really trying hard enough with people or work.  It’s hard to explain that I don’t need masses of friends or want to go out socialising. 
I find even with my wife and I know I’m lucky to have a partner that I’m generally not believed or am behaving badly. I could never share how much energy I use in just holding back shutdowns when I’m overwhelmed or show on the outside that I am overwhelmed.

I then think it’s my fault for masking so heavily for so long, my non stop internal voice then rightly tells me that it’s not my fault, I had to mask heavily to survive, it then tells me I should go back to masking more. I now feel I’m oversharing, this could be an autistic thing so I will leave it there.

So back to my original question, does anyone have someone who fully tries to understand and accept them without question?

Parents

  • I am lucky to have two people in my life that understand and accept me, my youngest son and a friend who is neurodivergent. Me and my boy just fit together and never have a cross word between us. My friend I met through being self employed and happened to be working the same job. I have never really felt uncomfortable around him and we are both very open and honest with each other. We don’t really socialise and sometimes we don’t talk for months but I feel very fortunate to know him. Sadly some of the people I think should understand me don’t and are not even prepared to try. 

    Martin said:
    For example, at loud, crowded family occasions when I feel sensory overwhelm kicking in and I say that I need to get out, I mean right now! Not in half an hour's time.

    I posted about that very thing the Saturday before last, I ended up leaving the party before my family as I couldn’t cope any longer. I stayed too long and had a huge meltdown (in private), procrastination followed for the following 3 days and lots of tears. 

    Martin are you able to leave these things when you need to or do you try to force yourself through it to please others around you? 

Reply

  • I am lucky to have two people in my life that understand and accept me, my youngest son and a friend who is neurodivergent. Me and my boy just fit together and never have a cross word between us. My friend I met through being self employed and happened to be working the same job. I have never really felt uncomfortable around him and we are both very open and honest with each other. We don’t really socialise and sometimes we don’t talk for months but I feel very fortunate to know him. Sadly some of the people I think should understand me don’t and are not even prepared to try. 

    Martin said:
    For example, at loud, crowded family occasions when I feel sensory overwhelm kicking in and I say that I need to get out, I mean right now! Not in half an hour's time.

    I posted about that very thing the Saturday before last, I ended up leaving the party before my family as I couldn’t cope any longer. I stayed too long and had a huge meltdown (in private), procrastination followed for the following 3 days and lots of tears. 

    Martin are you able to leave these things when you need to or do you try to force yourself through it to please others around you? 

Children
  • in reply to Take5
    Take5 said:
    I posted about that very thing the Saturday before last, I ended up leaving the party before my family as I couldn’t cope any longer. I stayed too long and had a huge meltdown (in private)

    My cPTSD always takes me back to childhood and being forced / forcing myself to endure groups of people at such occasions which inevitably ended in meltdowns - and of course nobody else there understood them or the reasons for them.  I was labelled as badly behaved or attention seeking - and my parents even extracted sympathy for it. 

    It took me a long time to realise that social gatherings weren't for me, but It doesn't stop me feeling that I'm missing out either (which I am).  

    Take5 said:
    I stayed too long and had a huge meltdown (in private), procrastination followed for the following 3 days and lots of tears

    So yes, I'm familiar with all of this excepting the 'in private' part.   The meltdowns for me were never private, even though the procrastination & the over-thinking always is.  

    I've tried to explain to others since - even those who were there - but I'm wasting my time.  They hear the words but they aren't sinking in.  My advice to anyone else is not to put yourself through those agonies if you have options.