I was late-diagnosed at the age of 27, turning 28. I am 30 turning 31 this year.
For the most part I used to love being autistic. Yes it came with challenges but I was one of those whose diagnosis saved their life. Where that single word Autism made everything fall into place. Once I was diagnosed it allowed me to fully unmask 100% and I had started to embrace my differences and see the positives of being autistic.
However since leaving hospital last summer (I had spent much of my 20s in MH units as I was one of those misdiagnosed females where they keep telling you that you are mentally ill when you are not, you are in fact autistic), I have had many occasions where I have started to see how my autism and my honesty in particular has not been appropriate - I only realise it when it is too late. I then overthink, and hate myself for "over sharing" or saying "the wrong thing" or the truth or the exact 100% truth. I for the life of me do not know how to lie or not tell the exact truth.
Then around 5 months ago my honesty left me in a bad situation. I don't think my honesty was the wrong thing - I truly believe it was the other person involved was not the right person to hear my honesty. If it were anybody else, then it would have been completely fine no problem but with this particular individual, my honesty backfired.
Ever since I have hated being autistic. Not only because of that but because I keep telling the truth 24/7 to everyone in all situations. I have read many books on autism and social interactions etc, I have tried my hardest to role-play not being 100% honest all the time. But despite this, I still cannot lie/not say the whole truth all the time. As a result, I see now that it is actually making me feel very vulnerable. I don't want to be like this. I wish I knew in what situations it is appropriate to be honest and which people it is safe to be honest with. There is no rulebook when it comes to this. I have no idea how neurotypical people naturally just "know" when to be saying what. I have no clue - someone asks me something and I just answer the truth. But it is leaving me feeling embarrassed, ashamed and vulnerable. Now I feel too afraid to be "unmasked". I don't know how to go back to masking, I really don't. But I see now why they say that it may not always be safe for autistic people to unmask all the time. I relate to that a lot.
Does anyone else relate to not being able to lie? to constantly saying the truth and then digging yourself a hole as a result?
I feel I would benefit from a support worker who specialises in autism/understands autism to help me navigate social situations at this stage but I don't know if that is an option or not.
Does anyone have any suggestions other than books to read etc as I have done that.
