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Feel like such a failure

Jax

I feel like such a failure and I hate myself. I still live at home with my parents, I don't work but I have tried to work before, but it affects my mental health and last time resulted in me being detained under section 2 of the mental health act. My brothers all work, both have moved out now and live with their girlfriends and I'm still at home. I'm 28 now and I feel like since I left school my life hasn't progressed whatsoever, I spend all day with my mum, my dad is out working and I feel so guilty and ashamed that I don't work either.

My days consist of helping in the garden, playing with toys and watching Disney movies and listening to music. I worry what will happen when anything happens to my parents, I've heard them in the past talking about me ending up in a home. That idea frightens me so much. I want to live independently in my own home, and to be with someone, and working.

As I said. I'm a failure. I hate myself and everything I am.

Parents

  • Dear all you kind people. Thank you so much for all your kind words and support, it was extremely good of you, and these are acts I will not forget. Your words were helpful to me and it’s more than I deserve, but, I am grateful. It really helped me pick myself up again when I had been down for so long. I feel perhaps putting myself under too much pressure to get better and do things was a big problem here, something I have done before. I know pressure affects me greatly – and yet I continue to pressurise myself!! – I find it so complex how the human mind can be and often is so self destructive in different ways.

    The last couple of weeks have been hard but there has been a significant change in my life. It feels more positive, nothing major, but I have taken very small steps to make very small changes in my life. I hope they are changes for the better. Rather than sitting in and being depressed all the time I have got myself outside, in the garden, and taking walks first thing in the morning. At first I was completely anxious and had a few meltdowns during and after the fact but now it feels a lot better when I go out.

    I have to force myself to go out every time. I always feel I have zero ambition but I make myself do it, and nine times out of ten I feel better for doing it. So far I haven’t spoken to anybody, I don’t see many out walking, and only birds in my garden. On my walks I’ve said hi to a few dog walkers and they said hi, hello or hey back – my social interaction for the week complete!

    But I owe you all thanks – I know, if I hadn’t come here and received your kind and helpful replies I wouldn’t have started this change in my life. I know there is still a long way to go, these things aren’t an instant overnight fix, but I have left the start line figuratively speaking and I feel better for it. F you depression!

    So thank you each for being there for me in what was one of my darkest hours.

  • in reply to Jax

    Thank you for updating us - I'm very pleased to hear that.

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