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Feel like such a failure

Jax

I feel like such a failure and I hate myself. I still live at home with my parents, I don't work but I have tried to work before, but it affects my mental health and last time resulted in me being detained under section 2 of the mental health act. My brothers all work, both have moved out now and live with their girlfriends and I'm still at home. I'm 28 now and I feel like since I left school my life hasn't progressed whatsoever, I spend all day with my mum, my dad is out working and I feel so guilty and ashamed that I don't work either.

My days consist of helping in the garden, playing with toys and watching Disney movies and listening to music. I worry what will happen when anything happens to my parents, I've heard them in the past talking about me ending up in a home. That idea frightens me so much. I want to live independently in my own home, and to be with someone, and working.

As I said. I'm a failure. I hate myself and everything I am.

Parents

  • Hi Jax and welcome to the community.

    Every life is unique and there is no point comparing them. The only thing that's important is what you want and what makes you happy.

    I understand your worry about what will happen when something happens to your parents, so maybe you could try planning and working towards moving out to your own home? You say you help in the garden but what about In the house? Are you able to clean, make a bed, do laundry, and prepare basic meals? If not perhaps you could ask your mum to teach you these skills.

    There is some advice on this website (in the section called "Advice and guidance") that may be of help if you want to plan to move to your own home. If you feel you can live independently, there is a section on money management and if you don't think you could, there is a section on social care which includes supported living options - that doesn't have to be in a care home, it could be a shared flat or house where someone checks on you periodically.

    Don't worry about not being able to work - a job is not the most important thing in life, you just need enough money to live on and if you qualify for benefits then you should not worry about it. You could try some volunteer work a few hours a week if you feel it would benefit you though.

    I hope you can work things out to help you feel better about yourself.

Reply

  • Hi Jax and welcome to the community.

    Every life is unique and there is no point comparing them. The only thing that's important is what you want and what makes you happy.

    I understand your worry about what will happen when something happens to your parents, so maybe you could try planning and working towards moving out to your own home? You say you help in the garden but what about In the house? Are you able to clean, make a bed, do laundry, and prepare basic meals? If not perhaps you could ask your mum to teach you these skills.

    There is some advice on this website (in the section called "Advice and guidance") that may be of help if you want to plan to move to your own home. If you feel you can live independently, there is a section on money management and if you don't think you could, there is a section on social care which includes supported living options - that doesn't have to be in a care home, it could be a shared flat or house where someone checks on you periodically.

    Don't worry about not being able to work - a job is not the most important thing in life, you just need enough money to live on and if you qualify for benefits then you should not worry about it. You could try some volunteer work a few hours a week if you feel it would benefit you though.

    I hope you can work things out to help you feel better about yourself.

Children
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