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caregiver while on the spectrum

KuriouslyAutistic44

Bountiful Greetings everyone! 

I am caregiver for my elderly mom and its getting really challenging. Dealing with a woman who is strong willed and determined to suffer in silence without letting me know anything is really becoming unbearable. I've been the caregiver for my parents since I was in my 20s since I had older parents and I feel like I have just enough. I am the daughter so its almost implied that the boys go do other things while the girls state and never really create a life. The weight of this reality is really bothering me and I am at my wits end about.  I know conversation need to happen with my brother and not sure what to do at this point.

Tired though and frustrated and always coming across as the "a**hole" in my family because I speak on things that are obvious and challenging to face. 

Any advice would be nice. Any other caregivers out there who have advice or have strategies on how to navigate life. 

Parents

  • I’ve been trying to figure out what I can say that will help, but in the end the only thing that helped me was acceptance.

    I cared for my dad through vascular dementia and then for my mum through Alzheimer’s plus a bunch of physical health problems. This consumed a substantial part of my adult life and I missed a lot of social opportunities because of it.  Caring for people with dementia can be very challenging and hurtful.

    I have a brother who I almost never see or communicate with. He barely lifted a finger during all of this. Just assumed I would do it. More hurtfully, my mum’s nieces who she was very close to and who used to visit or phone her every day just stopped and disappeared when she was diagnosed.

    So it was all down to me. Someone who really needed help myself, not to have to bury my own problems and spend all my energy and time caring for someone else.

    But it was the right thing to do. They were good parents, going through a horrible phase of their life and if nothing else I proved to myself that I can be a good, kind, caring person.

    This all came at a massive cost to me and my life though, and it wasn’t fair. I only have one life so as I said at the beginning, the only way I can deal with it is to accept that this was my lot in life.

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  • I’ve been trying to figure out what I can say that will help, but in the end the only thing that helped me was acceptance.

    I cared for my dad through vascular dementia and then for my mum through Alzheimer’s plus a bunch of physical health problems. This consumed a substantial part of my adult life and I missed a lot of social opportunities because of it.  Caring for people with dementia can be very challenging and hurtful.

    I have a brother who I almost never see or communicate with. He barely lifted a finger during all of this. Just assumed I would do it. More hurtfully, my mum’s nieces who she was very close to and who used to visit or phone her every day just stopped and disappeared when she was diagnosed.

    So it was all down to me. Someone who really needed help myself, not to have to bury my own problems and spend all my energy and time caring for someone else.

    But it was the right thing to do. They were good parents, going through a horrible phase of their life and if nothing else I proved to myself that I can be a good, kind, caring person.

    This all came at a massive cost to me and my life though, and it wasn’t fair. I only have one life so as I said at the beginning, the only way I can deal with it is to accept that this was my lot in life.

Children
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