• Replies 29 replies
  • Subscribers 90 subscribers
  • Views 1340 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Question about masking and etiquette / politeness

Samuel50

I'm a bit new to this, but I've been reading a lot about masking, and most of the comments are about avoiding it in order to reduce stress.

I have observed my own behaviour, and there seem to be some circumstances where I feel I'd actually like to cover up my autistic traits more rather than less, now I'm aware of them.

For example, by default I am convinced in my head that if I just explain how I am right about something, and provide sufficient (at least 18 bullet points) steamrolling evidence then everyone else will fall into line.

In the real world, this doesn't work. People think I'm dominating and don't think they get a word in. So I think I'd like to take a step back and think about how my communications might be received by others.

I suppose I'm asking where the line is between masking autistic traits and just being seen to be a bit more reasonable.

Implied in the question is my assumption that I can be both autistic and rude at the same time!

Thank you.

Parents

  • A great post - particularly the 18 bullet points part "Here's why you are wrong..." Rofl

    As a fellow lifelong and high masker, I can say that I find it both tiring AND useful. So like anything, I suppose, it needs a cost/benefit analysis.

    If I could give any youngster advice it would be "learn how to smile convincingly, and then use it sparingly". But I guess that you are not a youngster. Maybe don't be suckered in by the militant don't mask at all - that seems a bit like "cutting off your nose to spite your face" to me - but then again just whatever works for you.

Reply

  • A great post - particularly the 18 bullet points part "Here's why you are wrong..." Rofl

    As a fellow lifelong and high masker, I can say that I find it both tiring AND useful. So like anything, I suppose, it needs a cost/benefit analysis.

    If I could give any youngster advice it would be "learn how to smile convincingly, and then use it sparingly". But I guess that you are not a youngster. Maybe don't be suckered in by the militant don't mask at all - that seems a bit like "cutting off your nose to spite your face" to me - but then again just whatever works for you.

Children
  • in reply to SpikeyMark

    Thanks, over 50 and just learning about this stuff. You're right about it being militant - expecting the rest of the world to be okay with all my behaviours all the time seems rather unrealistic.

    I will strive for a bit of balance. My family know what I'm like and let me get on with it in good grace.

    I am so grateful for all of the replies to this post AND I can't help thinking some of it goes into exhausting detail (especially where people disagree). It makes me wonder - is that what people think I'm like all the time :) ?