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Ignorant parents help

Scrappydoo

Hello! I'm new here and actually quite new to my diagnosis of ADHD and Autism and need some advice on how to handle ignorance from parents.

I was diagnosed in Septembet 2024 at age 31. When I told my parents they didn't really think much of it and said it was good I have a diagnosis and can get support. Now fast forward 4 months later when having a conversation with my mum via video chat (my dad was also in the background) we got onto talking about Autism. My mum said the usual "everyone has a bit of Autism" when I tried to explain to her how things affect me she just said "but you've always been weird" my dad also agreed to her saying this. 

My parents and I usually have a good solid relationship but as of the past year my mum and I have drifted massively she even said this is down to my behaviour and attitude (I also have. Bipolar disorder - but that's another story for another day) and I thought to myself being around some people is actually very toxic for me and they bring me down so I was pulling away from those people.

Hearing my parents be so nonchalant about my struggles and calling me weird really deeply hurt me as I've always felt weird and struggled with fitting in being my true self and I got upset and shut down and have decided to stop contact with my parents again. Even though its been over 4 months since my diagnosis I'm still finding it so difficult to accept, I feel embarrassed to be autistic as I am quite high functioning and I wonder if this is why my parents refuse to believe I am autistic because the only Autism they've ever seen is the likes of what's portrayed in the media like Rainman or those who are non speaking autistic. 

Am I doing the right thing in cutting off my parents and essentially my family? I have tried to educate them on the topics of neurodiversity but it gets me nowhere. I did cut off my family but a few weeks later my mum almost died and it brought the contact again

Parents

  • Hi, welcome to the community! It’s really hard to advise wether you should cut your parents off or not, I think best it would be discuss it with therapist. You may also consider keeping some contact but avoiding this topic and you can tell your parents you don’t want ti discuss it with them anymore. My mom and sis also don’t accept that my therapist suspects me autistic. my sister said that autistic people are those who don’t have any need for any friendships or relationships and my mom told me autistic children are those who only spin around or make certain sound whole day and I was nothing like this. I know I can’t discuss with them because I’m slower processing do they always win because they are faster and talk more than me. Both said I’m weird and always was, but not autistic. And I closed this topic with them and not informing them about anything more related to my mental health. Everyone situation is different, I think that forcing yourself to stay in touch with totally toxic people is damaging if it’s your case, but also cutting off the family is a difficult decision. Especially if they are the only people you have. I think best would be consider it carefully,,talk to someone you trust. Here in the forum we all are strangers, so can’t really advice about such a sensitive matter. 
    Edit : wanna ad one thing- many parents just don’t want to accept the fact that their child has some disorder. 

Reply

  • Hi, welcome to the community! It’s really hard to advise wether you should cut your parents off or not, I think best it would be discuss it with therapist. You may also consider keeping some contact but avoiding this topic and you can tell your parents you don’t want ti discuss it with them anymore. My mom and sis also don’t accept that my therapist suspects me autistic. my sister said that autistic people are those who don’t have any need for any friendships or relationships and my mom told me autistic children are those who only spin around or make certain sound whole day and I was nothing like this. I know I can’t discuss with them because I’m slower processing do they always win because they are faster and talk more than me. Both said I’m weird and always was, but not autistic. And I closed this topic with them and not informing them about anything more related to my mental health. Everyone situation is different, I think that forcing yourself to stay in touch with totally toxic people is damaging if it’s your case, but also cutting off the family is a difficult decision. Especially if they are the only people you have. I think best would be consider it carefully,,talk to someone you trust. Here in the forum we all are strangers, so can’t really advice about such a sensitive matter. 
    Edit : wanna ad one thing- many parents just don’t want to accept the fact that their child has some disorder. 

Children
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