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Feeling heartbroken and upset

Autismman

As a non diagnosed man currently only believing I have autism what I say may not have much impact because it’s only my word for it. I feel so let down by health services, especially the psychiatric ones which I’ve had dealings with since I was aged 12 due to school bullying, anxiety and depression. I’ve been obsessively reading about autism (Here, online, kindle) for the past week or two and still really confused as to why NOW I’m suddenly a believer and all it’s done is break my heart because no one’s been caring enough to put it all together or even try. I’ve been in psych wards voluntarily due to alcohol misuse, I’ve damn near killed myself because I had to shut out emotions and even then nothing, not a mention. Seen many different psychiatric nurses in the community and psychiatrist by appointment my ENTIRE life. This isn’t some trendy idea that I have, it’s not something that you can decide to have i just cannot understand with all my heart and soul how I could not see this sooner. I cannot truly believe no one thought to question it? I don’t care a single bit for the working policies of health professionals, I don’t care a single bit for their red tape. I don’t care a single bit that you only deal with the issue presented to you, be better and do better. 

Parents

  • I just wrote a long reply and it disappeared?

    Anyway, to summarise what I wanted to say:

    Autism is not curable, only mental illness is, but if you are feeling desperately mentally unwell please seek help with that. 

    Medical staff are not given much training in autism, and symptoms can be the same as mental health conditions, such as depression, anxiety, lack of cognitive empathy, etc. Plus autistic adults usually learn to camouflage autistic traits.

    Now that you believe you are on the autism spectrum, it gives you the opportunity to learn more about yourself. Keep reading and learning and I hope that this community helps you feel validated and less alone. Take care of yourself.

  • in reply to Lotus

    Thank you Pixiefox, I actually read your original post in my emails so I got it thank you. I can accept what you are saying but I know I wouldn’t let people down like that, just a little extra care wouldn’t have gone a miss really. You are entirely right about the masking and I’ve done it well up until now but now I don’t know which emotion to choose from or which is even correct, I just don’t know. I will go back to my drs if this doesn’t improve however pills are a tool and not really going to help me in the ways I need. Therapy I think is ideal, it’s not easy to get that though, long waiting lists and in the meantime I’m walking around in a haze wondering how to make myself feel better. 

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  • in reply to Lotus

    Thank you Pixiefox, I actually read your original post in my emails so I got it thank you. I can accept what you are saying but I know I wouldn’t let people down like that, just a little extra care wouldn’t have gone a miss really. You are entirely right about the masking and I’ve done it well up until now but now I don’t know which emotion to choose from or which is even correct, I just don’t know. I will go back to my drs if this doesn’t improve however pills are a tool and not really going to help me in the ways I need. Therapy I think is ideal, it’s not easy to get that though, long waiting lists and in the meantime I’m walking around in a haze wondering how to make myself feel better. 

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