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Feeling heartbroken and upset

Autismman

As a non diagnosed man currently only believing I have autism what I say may not have much impact because it’s only my word for it. I feel so let down by health services, especially the psychiatric ones which I’ve had dealings with since I was aged 12 due to school bullying, anxiety and depression. I’ve been obsessively reading about autism (Here, online, kindle) for the past week or two and still really confused as to why NOW I’m suddenly a believer and all it’s done is break my heart because no one’s been caring enough to put it all together or even try. I’ve been in psych wards voluntarily due to alcohol misuse, I’ve damn near killed myself because I had to shut out emotions and even then nothing, not a mention. Seen many different psychiatric nurses in the community and psychiatrist by appointment my ENTIRE life. This isn’t some trendy idea that I have, it’s not something that you can decide to have i just cannot understand with all my heart and soul how I could not see this sooner. I cannot truly believe no one thought to question it? I don’t care a single bit for the working policies of health professionals, I don’t care a single bit for their red tape. I don’t care a single bit that you only deal with the issue presented to you, be better and do better. 

Parents

  • Sorry to hear that you are feeling like this. But you are not alone, others feel or have felt this way.

    For me, autism was not understood when I was a child in the 1960s, and even when  reached my mid fifties I still didn't know what it really was. It was only because I watched a TV documentary about autism that I started to wonder and then found and took the online tests. Then came the shock - how could I be autistic? I'm intelligent. I can look after myself. I could work. I had a long term partner. 

    The thing is, we tend to think that everyone else thinks and feels the same way we do (maybe with the exception of a few with serious disorders like psychopathy) If we learn to behave much like others then it can camouflage our autistic traits. And medical staff don't have good enough autism training to be able to see past that - I believe it can be difficult even for some trained autism assessors. Plus, autism and mental health conditions often cause the same or similar symptoms, such as anxiety, depression, social phobia, lack.of cognitive empathy, etc. 

    Autism cannot be cured, you can only get medical treatment for mental health so if you are feeling severely mentally unwell I would urge you to seek treatment for that. But now that you believe you are on the autism spectrum, you can work towards understanding that which will help you understand yourself better. Keep reading and learning, and I hope that this community helps you feel validated and gives you some of the support you need. Take care of yourself.

Reply

  • Sorry to hear that you are feeling like this. But you are not alone, others feel or have felt this way.

    For me, autism was not understood when I was a child in the 1960s, and even when  reached my mid fifties I still didn't know what it really was. It was only because I watched a TV documentary about autism that I started to wonder and then found and took the online tests. Then came the shock - how could I be autistic? I'm intelligent. I can look after myself. I could work. I had a long term partner. 

    The thing is, we tend to think that everyone else thinks and feels the same way we do (maybe with the exception of a few with serious disorders like psychopathy) If we learn to behave much like others then it can camouflage our autistic traits. And medical staff don't have good enough autism training to be able to see past that - I believe it can be difficult even for some trained autism assessors. Plus, autism and mental health conditions often cause the same or similar symptoms, such as anxiety, depression, social phobia, lack.of cognitive empathy, etc. 

    Autism cannot be cured, you can only get medical treatment for mental health so if you are feeling severely mentally unwell I would urge you to seek treatment for that. But now that you believe you are on the autism spectrum, you can work towards understanding that which will help you understand yourself better. Keep reading and learning, and I hope that this community helps you feel validated and gives you some of the support you need. Take care of yourself.

Children
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