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I wanted to be nice and I don't know if I did something wrong

Gabby

The headline makes it sound like I did something totally inappropriate, but I don't understand what happened.

I gave a compliment (or some kind of compliment?) and I feel like I said something wrong.
I'm doing a conversation course online. The teacher is very nice and the group has been meeting with her for over a year. We also exchange a few private words from time to time, nothing profound, for example that her children go to a public school and are sports enthusiasts, or that I like to prepare oven dishes. When I told her that, she said that she likes to do that too and that she prefers savoury snacks and not so much cake. She said: ‘I like simple things. Why make it complicated when you can make it simple’. I was happy that she said that because I think the same way. So I said: ‘I like you, you're just like me.’ After I said that, everyone was suddenly quiet, including her, and then she suddenly started talking about a different topic and when we said goodbye, she suddenly started using my full name again and no longer my nickname, which she usually (!) uses. She never uses my full name. What did I do wrong? I was just happy that we had something in common and told her that I liked her, so I wanted to say that I thought she was nice. She also knows that English is not my first language and that I have autism. Because she lives in another country, I'm not going to suddenly turn up at her door and visit her because I think she's nice. I would never do that, even if she lived next door. Do I have to apologise now? But what can I say? These are exactly the events that get me down. That's why I don't like being around people and why I mainly socialise via Zoom or Skype or other video conferencing platforms. 

These are exactly the events that get me down. I express my feelings, I want to be nice, and it comes across as totally inadequate. That's why I don't like being around people and why I mainly socialise via Zoom or Skype or other video conferencing platforms. Then nobody - including me - has to be afraid that I or someone else will become pushy or want to meet up more often. 

So, did I do something wrong? Any idea?

Thanks, Gabby

Parents

  • Hi Gabby.

    I have found that more than 50% of the people that I say "I like you" too, misinterpret my meaning or intent.  I think this is a particularly "British" thing.

    More than 50% will take that comment from me as being either "over familiar", "creepy" or will otherwise trigger them to hit the "cool it" button.

    I confuses the *#*~-out-of-me, when that happens?  What could be wrong will telling someone that you like them?  But....like I say.....with me being a numbers-type-of-entity....I have come to understand that "I like you" is a phrase that = I need to use VERY sparingly.

    You must remember that your teacher is in a "position of authority" over you, and in these days of hyper-vigilance against "abuse of power", there is a very good chance that they became "scared" by your declaration.

    One of the greatest compliments that I receive from people who are not from this country (ie - I am native UK) is that I am not like the average "Brit" in my interactions with other nationalities.

    Like everyone else who has commented to you.....I agree that YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG.......but perhaps unlike most, I am happy to provide the additional information......as I have come to understand it here in Britain.

    You did NOTHING wrong in my eyes, and evidently of those below.......but I CAN understand why you got the reaction you received.

    I hope that information is helpful and reassuring to you.

    Best regards to you (and your first language)

    Number.

Reply

  • Hi Gabby.

    I have found that more than 50% of the people that I say "I like you" too, misinterpret my meaning or intent.  I think this is a particularly "British" thing.

    More than 50% will take that comment from me as being either "over familiar", "creepy" or will otherwise trigger them to hit the "cool it" button.

    I confuses the *#*~-out-of-me, when that happens?  What could be wrong will telling someone that you like them?  But....like I say.....with me being a numbers-type-of-entity....I have come to understand that "I like you" is a phrase that = I need to use VERY sparingly.

    You must remember that your teacher is in a "position of authority" over you, and in these days of hyper-vigilance against "abuse of power", there is a very good chance that they became "scared" by your declaration.

    One of the greatest compliments that I receive from people who are not from this country (ie - I am native UK) is that I am not like the average "Brit" in my interactions with other nationalities.

    Like everyone else who has commented to you.....I agree that YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG.......but perhaps unlike most, I am happy to provide the additional information......as I have come to understand it here in Britain.

    You did NOTHING wrong in my eyes, and evidently of those below.......but I CAN understand why you got the reaction you received.

    I hope that information is helpful and reassuring to you.

    Best regards to you (and your first language)

    Number.

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