Living with my parents is absolutely terrible

I'm sorry you feel like this. This is only slightly similar, but there was a period in my life where I needed to rent rooms because I had nowhere else to live while I was starting my career. It was cheaper than renting, but the lack of my own space I could call my own really drained me and didn't leave me feeling very happy.

As unhappy as you are, I was hoping to offer the other perspective. I am a father myself you see, with a 12 year old daughter who is autistic (I'm not sure of your age group, you don't say). We've learned to be very tolerant of her space and what she needs, she usually tends to stay in her room a lot, plus lock her door a lot. I won't go in her room without express permission anymore, but it does add challenges - I have to talk through a solid door to her now, so it's just physically harder to communicate with her now. Locking her door, as others have suggested, also makes me wary for her safety, since if something happened to her then I would not be able to help her. I have had one occasion where I was forced to unscrew her lock because she was having a panic attack about something and I simply couldn't get her to open the door, for instance.

The point I'm trying to make is that although I can sympathise with your situation, I can also see it from your parent's perspective too. I don't know what kind of relationship you have with them, but I would hope that they love and care for you, and only want to make sure you are safe - it's all I want for my daughter.

It doesn't really help you though, so I agree with what some other people have said in that you may need to make a choice as to what to do next, because there are always choices in life. Doing nothing is a kind of choice, but the result of that is that nothing will also change either. Since you don't describe your situation much - age, work, whether you could live on your own etc - I can only think that the most short term solution would be to explain to your parents what you need. Again, I don't really know what your relationship is like with them, but if you don't talk to them in some way and tell them what you need, they will never know and never be able to help make things better for you.

That certainly doesn't show much respect for your privacy, if she doesn't even knock

Thx for ur message, Hm yeah moped sounds good haha:)

yeah job wld be good 4 sure

theyre ok my mums just a bit overbearing  doesn’t ask to come to my room 

if I don’t respond she’ll just come in:///

Not even a key to your bedroom? Don't they even knock?

Been there too, I'm in my 60's, my parents lived in a village, and I graduated in 1981, becoming one of Thatcher's 3 million, and graduate unemploynent had never before been a thing.

At least I did have a moped at the time. The buses were terrible. 

So maybe a bike at least cod give you a tiny bit of independence. 

Obviously paid work or as cl time study as you could get would help. 

What is your family like? 

You have my sympathy - I find it difficult to cope with living with family. I'm not too much of an outdoors person so I am limited in where I can go. 

Why do they have to give you a lift from the bus stop? Could you not walk back?

Personally, I sorted the travel situation many years ago by buying a bike. This was at a time when I had no income and was no longer young enough for discount bus fares. Worked wonders - I can now get anywhere in the county at any time without having to queue up or pay a fare! I do not like travelling by car, so I do not and would not ask anyone for a lift unless I was desperate.

I concur with the thoughts about being in a city. There are a lot of people, shops, and other amenities. I suffer from a lot of tiredness and don't always manage to get out and about. I managed to go out yesterday, but I was really tired and felt dreadful for the journey, in fact, I nearly burst in to tears multiple times during the journey.

One way I deal with being stuck here with family is to try and sleep during the day. This works best if you have access to a supermarket/gym/etc with long or 24-hour opening times.

I am so very sorry and sad that you feel so bad. I am in my 60s but your account could have been written by me when I was young and living at home with my parents, the only difference being that I lived in a small town. I felt stuck but everything was too overwhelming to even contemplate moving out and I didn’t have the finances to do that anyway. I hated my situation. I had no friends, no awareness that I was autistic and had executive functioning difficulties. I was being treated for anxiety with a major tranquilliser that should never have been prescribed. The psychiatrist didn’t recognise meltdowns. I used to go out in all weathers every evening, wandered about and returned late at night. I dreamt of having my own place but thought I would never cope. My father was controlling and I would have been subjected to what is now recognised as psychological abuse. It is too long a story to tell you the rest, but eventually i was able to buy my own home. It was tough but time slowly allowed things to become easier.  

You definitely do have options and you need to start looking into these. You may be overwhelmed, but the reality is that you stay as you are, or you get help to help yourself get out of the situation. There are no other options. First start looking at what is possible, as if it were for a different person, by making an appointment with your GP and explaining how you feel. You could ask for counselling, a mental health referral or signposting to a support organisation. You could contact a support that is listed on this website. You will get through this and eventually your situation will change. Well done for reaching out to us here and do make that move to getting professional help.

Hi Niamh, 

Thank you for posting to the online community. I am sorry to hear that you are struggling with your living situation and experiencing despair and anxiety. 

You may find the advice and guidance for mental health on the NAS website helpful: 

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health-and-wellbeing/mental-health-conditions

We also have advice and guidance on managing personal finances including planning for the future, budgeting and claiming benefits if you are interested in living independently: 

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/finance-money-and-benefits

I hope this helps. 

Gina Mod 

Hi Niamh and welcome.

I'm sorry to hear you are struggling. If living with your parents is making you miserable, the only alternative is to move out. 

You don't say whether you are working or getting benefits. If you are not working you should be able to get help with housing costs, so if that's the case contact your local council to ask about claiming housing benefits and also ask if you can register on the local housing needs register to try to get a social housing flat, which will be cheaper than renting privately. If you are working, look at studio flats for rent from letting agents (the Rightmove website is a good start) 

If you are unsure about managing your finances, there are articles on this website that you might find useful. If you click on the three lines at the top of this page, then choose Advice and guidance, you will see some help topics which include:

Financial help, money & benefits

Social care - including living independently

Employment advice - if you are not currently working but want to get a job.

Good morning,

Firstly I suggest you ought to change your profile photo. Example if a member likes football, they would have a photo of a football.

You said that you haven't got a lock on the door. Supposed there was a fire and you couldn't get out? I'm hoping to go to do a fire safety talk next month.

Some villages/town in my county has a limited bus service. some are once a day, once a week or less frequently during the day. Your mum and dad isn't a taxi service. Maybe they're worried.

Is there a group you could go to during the day? I go to a women's only group which is mandatory. I had family who said I ought to find another group as women institute don't meet frequently. Absolutely not true as they do meet every two weeks, I meet people and get on with the tasks. Some of the meetings have guest speakers. I get the impression that they don't like what I'm doing. Everytime they do this to me when the group changes days and times. Also making up stuff. Think they need to find something. 

My friends said carry on what I'm doing. 

My family needs to face up to get the house sorted in a manageable state. Sometimes I have enough as they don't listen sten. I've been sorting out my stuff especially in the crisis we're in. Also making all sorts of comments about people and towards me. 

My fear is that  eventually when my family passes away, I've got to explain to rest of my family that I knew something wasn't right. Imagine me telling them this? 10 years ago, I had a nervous breakdown. 

Think the first port of call is to make a GP appointment. Very difficult to make one in my town as they ask what's its for. 

I kind of just don’t know how to cope tbh