social skills

Hi, my advice would be to try and find likeminded people that you can be yourself with. I know this is not easy to do but in my opinion this is the best way. Ideally you want to find friends that you can be yourself with, where you can socialise in a way you are comfortable with- You say that you have ‘poor social skills’- I would rephrase this and view it more as having a different autistic way of socialising and communicating. I had no friends at school- I thought I wasn’t trying hard enough and that there was something wrong with me. But my view on this changed at university- I came accross a few likeminded people that I just connected with without much effort- I realised that at school there probably just hadn’t been anyone that I could have easily been friends with. Only later I realised that most of my friends are also neurodivergent (I was only diagnosed much later on and had no clue I was autistic when I met them.). I’ve had a few ‘friends’ where it took a huge amount of effort every time we met for me to try and be ‘normal’ and socialise with them- ultimately those friendships never lasted. I think it can be helpful to be able to blend in a little, to avoid being targeted and obviously standing out in certain situations and settings. But when it comes to friendships, teaching yourself social skills and masking is not a sustainable option in my experience. I have a handful of friends now and we have been friends for years- it’s easy to interact, we are connected by similar interests (small talk doesn’t really feature ) and similar expectations (noone is offended if the other person takes a long time, sometimes even months to respond- i think we just understand and know that we need alone time and work can get super busy and that when time is right we’ll be in touch). 

It can be really hard to meet likeminded people- I was lucky that I met a lot of people at my university. It has been much harder to make new friends since and the few I made are through the lab (i’m a scientist). I think a shared interest is a good way to find friends- it also gives you something to do together or talk about. Are there any activities or sports you enjoy? Or any topics you are particularly interested in? Maybe you can meet some people through those. 

in terms of ‘improving social skills’ I can’t advise as in my opinion that might not be the best approach for finding friends as you’ll end up having to mask and it is likely to become exhausting and the other person might become friends with the ‘masked version’ of you and it will be hard to then be yourself and you may have to keep up the mask. That’s just my personal opinion- other people might have different views and I think different strategies work for different people. 

I really hope you do find some friends!! There are so many people on this planet, there are bound to be some that are likeminded and a good fit to be your friends, so I think your chances are good! It’s mainly a matter of finding them!

Hi, my advice would be to try and find likeminded people that you can be yourself with. I know this is not easy to do but in my opinion this is the best way. Ideally you want to find friends that you can be yourself with, where you can socialise in a way you are comfortable with- You say that you have ‘poor social skills’- I would rephrase this and view it more as having a different autistic way of socialising and communicating. I had no friends at school- I thought I wasn’t trying hard enough and that there was something wrong with me. But my view on this changed at university- I came accross a few likeminded people that I just connected with without much effort- I realised that at school there probably just hadn’t been anyone that I could have easily been friends with. Only later I realised that most of my friends are also neurodivergent (I was only diagnosed much later on and had no clue I was autistic when I met them.). I’ve had a few ‘friends’ where it took a huge amount of effort every time we met for me to try and be ‘normal’ and socialise with them- ultimately those friendships never lasted. I think it can be helpful to be able to blend in a little, to avoid being targeted and obviously standing out in certain situations and settings. But when it comes to friendships, teaching yourself social skills and masking is not a sustainable option in my experience. I have a handful of friends now and we have been friends for years- it’s easy to interact, we are connected by similar interests (small talk doesn’t really feature ) and similar expectations (noone is offended if the other person takes a long time, sometimes even months to respond- i think we just understand and know that we need alone time and work can get super busy and that when time is right we’ll be in touch). 

It can be really hard to meet likeminded people- I was lucky that I met a lot of people at my university. It has been much harder to make new friends since and the few I made are through the lab (i’m a scientist). I think a shared interest is a good way to find friends- it also gives you something to do together or talk about. Are there any activities or sports you enjoy? Or any topics you are particularly interested in? Maybe you can meet some people through those. 

in terms of ‘improving social skills’ I can’t advise as in my opinion that might not be the best approach for finding friends as you’ll end up having to mask and it is likely to become exhausting and the other person might become friends with the ‘masked version’ of you and it will be hard to then be yourself and you may have to keep up the mask. That’s just my personal opinion- other people might have different views and I think different strategies work for different people. 

I really hope you do find some friends!! There are so many people on this planet, there are bound to be some that are likeminded and a good fit to be your friends, so I think your chances are good! It’s mainly a matter of finding them!