social skills

Hi really sorry your strugging with this. I can relate, I have felt this pretty much all my life so far, felt like a complete outcast at school watching every one else chat and make friends and I was just stood there watching. I'm glad you have your family, I'm lucky to have mine, they are my only social contact in this life.

My social skils are zero.

I don't have the answers but you defo aren't alone. I'm glad you found this place. I haven't been here long but it seems a good place, you can be yourself and you know your amongst likeminded people who get you. I feel accepted here and like I can be myself, something I rarely feel in RL.

Welcome, I hope things get easier, TC.

I have good news for you samsgs86........"eye contact" and "social cuses" and "conversation skills" have no bearing on your happiness or otherwise, in this place.

I'm quite sure that this place is NOT for everyone........but quite a few isolated and OVERWHELMINGLY lonely folk, can find some solace here, amongst ourselves.

I hope you will choose to hang around here for a while, to see if some of us have more in common with you, that you might have ever imagined!?  It did happen to me, in that way that I describe.

Welcome, to you.

You might also find it helpful to contact your GP surgery and ask to be referred to a social prescriber / social prescribing link worker.

Their role is to work with you, potentially over several sessions, in order to develop a personalised care and support plan that meets your "practical, social and emotional needs that affect their [your] health and wellbeing". This model operates throughout the UK. For example: 

NHS England - Social prescribing

Sorry for the separate post to also add this, but too many links in one post can send it straight to spam prison, thanks to the forum's unhelpful filter settings :/

Hi and welcome to the community!

I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling with this.

As others have shared, loneliness is - unfortunately - a common problem for us autistic people.

You might find it helpful to read the advice in these articles:

NAS - Loneliness - includes links to examples of some other autistic people's experiences of loneliness and how they cope.

NAS - Making friends - a guide for autistic adults

In respect of NAS branches and support groups and social programmes for autistic people, you might be able to find something local to you in the NAS's directories:

NAS - Autism Services Directory

NAS - Branches

Hey Sam, so sorry you finding things hard at the moment, I’m 37 and don’t really have many friends either. I feel those emotions as you write them, I’m there with you. It may be hard to start with but I’d suggest maybe just waving or saying hello to more people if that’s something you are ok with, no pressure and in your own time. Perhaps ask a member of family to come along with you if you need some trusted support, small steps lead to big leaps, be kind to yourself too Sam.

Hi, my advice would be to try and find likeminded people that you can be yourself with. I know this is not easy to do but in my opinion this is the best way. Ideally you want to find friends that you can be yourself with, where you can socialise in a way you are comfortable with- You say that you have ‘poor social skills’- I would rephrase this and view it more as having a different autistic way of socialising and communicating. I had no friends at school- I thought I wasn’t trying hard enough and that there was something wrong with me. But my view on this changed at university- I came accross a few likeminded people that I just connected with without much effort- I realised that at school there probably just hadn’t been anyone that I could have easily been friends with. Only later I realised that most of my friends are also neurodivergent (I was only diagnosed much later on and had no clue I was autistic when I met them.). I’ve had a few ‘friends’ where it took a huge amount of effort every time we met for me to try and be ‘normal’ and socialise with them- ultimately those friendships never lasted. I think it can be helpful to be able to blend in a little, to avoid being targeted and obviously standing out in certain situations and settings. But when it comes to friendships, teaching yourself social skills and masking is not a sustainable option in my experience. I have a handful of friends now and we have been friends for years- it’s easy to interact, we are connected by similar interests (small talk doesn’t really feature ) and similar expectations (noone is offended if the other person takes a long time, sometimes even months to respond- i think we just understand and know that we need alone time and work can get super busy and that when time is right we’ll be in touch). 

It can be really hard to meet likeminded people- I was lucky that I met a lot of people at my university. It has been much harder to make new friends since and the few I made are through the lab (i’m a scientist). I think a shared interest is a good way to find friends- it also gives you something to do together or talk about. Are there any activities or sports you enjoy? Or any topics you are particularly interested in? Maybe you can meet some people through those. 

in terms of ‘improving social skills’ I can’t advise as in my opinion that might not be the best approach for finding friends as you’ll end up having to mask and it is likely to become exhausting and the other person might become friends with the ‘masked version’ of you and it will be hard to then be yourself and you may have to keep up the mask. That’s just my personal opinion- other people might have different views and I think different strategies work for different people. 

I really hope you do find some friends!! There are so many people on this planet, there are bound to be some that are likeminded and a good fit to be your friends, so I think your chances are good! It’s mainly a matter of finding them!

I would start with your local regional center, if you have one in your area. You will get a service coordinator that can connect you with services and support to help you along. Outside of that, there are websites, like autism speaks, where you can find resources to help you with social skills. You may want to look into Occupational Therapy as well.