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Lagging behind never fitting in

Zillenial

My mum told me today she was proud of me because I…Wait for it…Made a sandwich! wooooooow. I won’t say my age because it will further add to the resentment I have for myself. A lot of the time I feel I’m lagging way behind everyone else my age…I see those around me ahead of me with their own families and in steady jobs. No burnout when they do a perfectly ordinary thing. I've actually felt amazed and impressed by people because they can go shopping and it doesn't cripple them. When I try and work it’s like I come down with the super flu. A couple days working leads to months of recovering in bed.

I saw a health professional, not autistic trained…Don’t think; can’t be sure on that…And when I explained all this specifically how much fatigue I get when I do the littlest thing like making a sandwich ffs and she says to me “Well you are autistic. This is as good as it gets”.

And now I’m left wondering if what she said is true. Is this really as good as it gets? Will I never have a steady job? Will I always get fatigue and burnout when I leave my comfort zone? I like to think no and yet I’ve been telling myself for a long time this year I’ll achieve something big and it never happens. Every year I wish I'll fit in and catch up with the rest of the world but I never get away from the start line. So far this year 2025 is the big one where I made a sandwich…..This isn’t much of a first post. Sorry about that. I used to be so ambitious and positive and now I’m just tired and feeling like I’m down before I had chance to get up.

Parents

  • It's only January, "today a sandwich tomorrow the world "

    Take the positives from it, you did something and someone noticed and made a positive comment, it may just be a sandwich, but tomorrow it could be anything else you put your mind to doing.

    Give yourself some small goals and chip away at them, one at a time, you'll be able to eventually achieve whatever you want. Just try and be positive , don't be too hard on yourself. It'll all work out if you believe in yourself.

  • in reply to Another Autistician

    I have already made a….small…start with setting achievable small goals. I’ve been in this lame rut for a while so I’ve been trying to set small goals to boost myself back up.

    Some of them are..

    • Brush my hair.
    • Spend five mins in the garden.
    • Read a chapter of a book a day.

    They are only small and not really important but if I do at least one a day then it does feel like a positive because it’s something I was able to push anxiety and lowness aside to do.

    Making the sandwich didn’t seem that big but now I’ve added it to my list and looking at it I see it now that it’s something I didn’t/couldn’t…do yesterday…but I did it today. First time ever. And preparing food is a life skill so that’s another separate positive for me.

    Thank you for your understanding and your support with this. When I made my OP I felt really bad about myself and now I feel a lot more positive. Thanks for being awesome about it.

  • in reply to Zillenial

    You're welcome!

    It sounds like you have a good plan, setting goals and taking those steps.

    You should never feel like anything isn't an achievement if it takes a lot of effort at the time and you find it hard at first, however small it may seem, it's a great achievement.

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