My mum told me today she was proud of me because I…Wait for it…Made a sandwich! wooooooow. I won’t say my age because it will further add to the resentment I have for myself. A lot of the time I feel I’m lagging way behind everyone else my age…I see those around me ahead of me with their own families and in steady jobs. No burnout when they do a perfectly ordinary thing. I've actually felt amazed and impressed by people because they can go shopping and it doesn't cripple them. When I try and work it’s like I come down with the super flu. A couple days working leads to months of recovering in bed.
I saw a health professional, not autistic trained…Don’t think; can’t be sure on that…And when I explained all this specifically how much fatigue I get when I do the littlest thing like making a sandwich ffs and she says to me “Well you are autistic. This is as good as it gets”.
And now I’m left wondering if what she said is true. Is this really as good as it gets? Will I never have a steady job? Will I always get fatigue and burnout when I leave my comfort zone? I like to think no and yet I’ve been telling myself for a long time this year I’ll achieve something big and it never happens. Every year I wish I'll fit in and catch up with the rest of the world but I never get away from the start line. So far this year 2025 is the big one where I made a sandwich…..This isn’t much of a first post. Sorry about that. I used to be so ambitious and positive and now I’m just tired and feeling like I’m down before I had chance to get up.
