Special Interests and Losing Interest in Them

Maybe it's something you're finished with, the interest that powered you through a doctorate is over, maybe its time to stand back and admire it like a house you've built or a piece of art work you've completed.

Could grieving for the loss of your parent have become mixed up with grieving for the loss of your interest?

I'm in a different position of having to give up things I enjoy because I'm no longer physically capable. I guess I'm lucky in that not only do I have this wonderfully strange thing called an autistic brain, but I'm an only child too, I'm so used to having no one to play with that I rarely have trouble entertaining myself.

This makes a lot of sense to me.

With hobbies, I've started to realise that some things I do I'm "forcing" myself to do, rather than doing the solely out of enjoyment. I'll realise I have a spare hour and then look at my "hobbies" and say to myself "tou should do that" , rather than think "I fancy doing that for an hour".

It's almost like because I have something as a hobby I feel I  "should" do it when I get time or opportunity.

Im trying to stop and think about why I'm doing something, then if it's not needed and it's not for enjoyment, I'll not do it.

Maybe you have, it took me a couple of years to recover from an undergraduate degree, although I would of like to continue that wasn't an option due to lack of funding, but it's not uncommon for people to end up either hating or having no interest in what they spent so many years studying. I don't think its an ASC thing, but just a result of all the focus and timetabling.

I think it will come back, you just have to give yourself time and space.

I have experience of interests switching off for what I can see to be no reason. These are hobby based rather than related to an area of work.  Its becoming apparent that burnout has affected my focus and attention far more than I have realised. These days I follow what my brain wants to do regarding hobby based interests whether this lasts a few hours or more substantial length of time. The problem I have is that often it feels like stuff or activities have no meaning so what's the point. But I'm not depressed! I keep wondering I'd like to do a job or do further study which relates to long standing interests but the fact I cannot pin my attention down long enough means I know I won't stick with it. You're very lucky to have had your area of work as your interest. The other thing is - that thing your brain can latch onto is something which provides certainty, regulation,  stimulation and without this one can feel very much at sea. There are times when nothing at all will do it for me, but I'll be scrabbling around for anything that the mind-tendrils can grab onto, sometimes without success.

Thanks for the replies guys. I appreciate the insights these offer.

The waning interest started at the completion of my doctorate. I also lost my parent during the final year or so of the degree. I do not think I properly grieved for them at the time. I developed a hyper focus to get the thing completed. I had always felt I need vindication for my life decisions including starting employment in my subject area rather then continuing up the degree ladder. Also I also was self funding so in my mind it would have been a waste of time.

I finished a number years ago and continued in employment. I felt at the time that I had spent so much energy and emotional energy on the project that I just needed some time to rest and my interest would return. However, we are talking now in excess of 10 years ago and still no spark. It was just after my diagnosis I started processing everything in my life through the lens of autism. Hence the reason for my questions however badly I put the across.

Since my diagnosis around 2 years ago my life is in limbo. I have been told by my employer I am no longer able to do my job and any adjustments were deemed unreasonable. This can explain my mood these days but not the sudden and what seems irretrievable loss of interest in my subject.

I went from almost living and breathing it to couldn't give a monkeys. It is like a door has been slammed shut and the key thrown away.

The autistic brain is a weird and wonderful thing. 

I find it depends on the driver for the interest.

One of mine was similar to you in that it was my job, but it got toa point where I knew enough and wasn't learning any more, so it has become mundane and I find it hard to engage now. Maybe that's because my brain enjoyed the challenge of learning more than the subject....

Others I find have stuck for much longer, like fishing and learning guitar (I think the later will drop off if I ever feel I got "far enough" though.

For me there are one or two interests I continue to enjoy when I can. However my interest in artistic things has dwindled partly due to my failing eye sight.

I am in the process of getting back to work after burnout. I think over the years my ability to mask and keep going has dwindled and a lot of the time I have limited energy left now.

Shardovan said:

anhedonia

Excellent word.  Wasn't familiar with it.  Now am.  Thank you sir.

Good and interesting questions Mr T and I share a desire for answers to them because I am (and have been for sometime) in a similar quandary about my "life activities and interests."  Like you, I am blessed to have my work as my special interest and I have been committed to it since school days too.....but the lustre is defo diminishing! 

I'm not sure if my "issues" with these matters are late-onset boredom or simply because I am now decidedly within, or through, whatever we are allowed to call the 'male menopause' these days.......I do repeatedly wonder whether I just need (or would benefit from) a COMPLETE change of virtually EVERYTHING?!

I did have a "mega-burnout" nearly 10 years ago now, and l do think this permanently and irrevocably 'changed' me to a large extent.  I don't think I am still in burnout.......I am in a newer place these days.....but I'm still not sure I am comfortable with my current place!

"Time will tell", brother, but I do wish it would hurry up !!!

I'm sorry that I can only offer solidarity, rather than answers.

I'd say your interest just needs to lie fallow for a while, awaiting a time when you can think about a further course of study. And calibrate its format/level to your energy levels of that future moment. 

There's a fancy word for special interests, passions etc. unexpectedly giving us no further joy: 'anhedonia' (I may have misspelled). It happened to me during a very tough period (essentially two nervous breakdowns in quick succession, with some extreme damage from a narcisist causing the second) and even my longest-term passionate interest (Doctor Who, which I've eaten, lived and breathed for decades) just became so much piddly little 'goings on' to me, my rituals (watching the new season, buying the magazine, listening to the podcasts) ticking over out of habit but, for the first time with a 'who cares?' feeling and mnimal investment of time/enthusiasm. Neverthless, they kept me just aout hanging on to life feeling worth living. Life was just pain and despondency and the hyperfocus on gaslighting myself (as I'd been very skillfully trained to do)  and postmorteming everything, and getting out from under the (deeper part of the) shadow has taken a long time. The work continues. I'm glad to say that my passion/SI is as strong as ever once again, and I will never let that be compromised to that extent again. No matter what... I hope!

I'm not saying that your own losing interest (for now) means a mental health crisis or damage in your life, that's just what it took for me to have the joy and dependable comfort of even my longest term nurturing influence fade into near-nothing... but it was never going to let me down and it patiently waited to bring me back home to myself. In time. Hopefully your burnout will not leave you detached from your passions forever, I'd say there';s a good chance it won't. Take care, rest without guilt whenever you can, and let time to the rest... 

I like completion - if I can complete something, then that spin effectively ends.

This is most true of computer games (big open-world ones with lots of collectibles), or websites once built, or apps once coded.

Other spins come and go (an interest in trees, golf, ... ) , some have always been there and I'm certain they always will be (music, star wars).

Mr T said:

Have others felt the same way about one or more if their interests?

This can be normal for us. I've certainly moved on from some of my previous long-term, special interests and haven't felt inclined to return to them.

As the NAS advises regarding our intense interests: "These can change over time or be lifelong":

NAS - Obsessions and repetitive behaviour