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Why is a Neurodivergent’s life so hard….

AmyLR94

It’s currently 3:08am here in the UK when I am typing this, I don’t know where else to turn to but I just feel stuck…

Last November I turned 30 and ever since then I have just felt stuck, alone and not sure what to do with my life. I started CBT Therapy a couple of weeks ago to help try and motivate me and I also signed up for employment support because I really would like to work.

Those are just to things that could help me…but last Tuesday my Nan passed away (I wasn’t close with her) but I was there when she took her last breath. It was my first time seeing that and seeing a dead body. I have been fine since her passing but yesterday (Monday) I just felt really down and then into early hours this morning I just feel worse.

- I feel fed up/frustrated of my weight…I have no motivation to get back into trying to lose weight

- I look at all food/snacks like I shouldn’t have them, I feel like I’m missing out on life

- I’m really fed up with my dad (making me more depressed)

- I would like to be a mum…but the only way I could do that is adopting (I’ve never been intimate with anyone - otherwise I would save up and do IVF)

- I’m so jealous of my little brother (he has a partner, he’s engaged, he has a house, he has a job and now he has a dog)

- I would like to eventually find someone to be with but there is no one near me. I don’t like clubbing etc and I definitely don’t trust dating sites *sighs*

- I have trouble making friends because they either pretend to be my friend or they say horrible things to me to make me upset and end the friendship. This is why I have trust issues and have trouble getting close to new people Pensive

I know everyone goes at their own pace but my brain is just…I don’t know. Right now, I’m just stuck and lost no where to go and I would rather sleep all day then do anything else….maybe when I wake up in the morning I will feel different woman shrugging: light skin tone but right now this is all I feel and can’t sleep *sighs*

Has anyone else felt this way? And if so, how do you overcome it? x

  • in reply to JT

    I also lost someone dear to me, and it hit very hard. But try to shift your attention away from thinking of her being a body no longer with us, and remember your Nan who. Those memories are precious. But also, it takes time, and is important to feel these emotions as part of the grieving process so be kind to yourself for a while yet

  • I am sorry to hear of the difficult time you are having. It is hard to experience someone at the end of their life and can take a while to get over from my experience.

    Can you find some small things that help you? For example having a relaxing bath or going for a walk in a park or other outside space. I find hearing birds singing helps me.

    Have you thought of looking for any volunteer schemes to give you some experience if you want to get into work?

    You mention wanting to lose weight I wonder if your GP offers weight watchers and they might be able to help with voluntary work. Some surgeries now have Social Prescribers who might be able to help with this.

  • This is the search. For self, for meaning, for calm. Your nervous system reacting to the roadblocks and struggles. It will lead you if you let it, it's your intuition drawing you a map. Double down on your interests and trust that you will meet minds that align when the time is right

  • Yes me  just be your self it will happen