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New here, am I in the right place?

Samuel50

My apologies if I am stumbling into something that doesn't apply to me. I don't have a diagnosis at all and don't know much about autism. Reading some of the posts on here my first thought was "it's another group I probably won't fit in with". Hmmm. I thought I'd list a few things and see if anyone relates at all before seeking any other advice.

My wife has shared with me a paper listing autistic communication styles and what they mean. A lot read like they are about me. I am pretty self-accepting these days (probably comes with age) and have just seen this as the way I am rather than being part of a spectrum or whatever. These include my honest, helpful and direct approach being misinterpreted by others as rudeness, for example. I'm not great at being fair in conversations and will readily dominate when it's a subject I know about, and I interrupt sometimes even when I try not to. Stuff like that. But I'm right, dammit! I feel uncomfortable if I haven't imparted every detail I know on a subject. I do miss some subtle clues and don't see the point of small talk. I like people sometimes but like there's a time limit if you know what I mean? I'm an over thinker. I am anxious about minor things which affect only me but cope well with major things which affect people I care about. I can see the big picture but I can also dive in to the tiniest detail for hours without seeing anything at all in between the two extremes. I value autonomy very highly, perhaps too much. I am drawn to order and get frustrated when others don't follow rules. I also don't like following rules. If I start a new task I need to reinvent the wheel and devise a novel way of doing whatever it is.

However, I don't think I have a problem with eye contact. I don't do repetitive movements or anything like that, though I do like to listen to the same track on repeat (all day sometimes) if that counts?

I have only scored 29/50 on the online spectrum quotient so it isn't conclusive that I am autistic, though I think I probably have some of the traits.

I'd appreciate any suggestions from you on what I should do / research next. Completely open to the possibility I'm just socially awkward and weird so don't hold back if that's what you think.

Thank you

Parents

  • Welcome

    I think you may be in the right place. What you have written sounds very much like late diagnosed autism to me.

    I do not know how old you are but I was diagnosed in my fifties. Years of masking and thinking something was not right with me although I have had a sterling academic career but socially very awkward.

    You do not need a formal diagnosis these days but helps if you need accommodations at work if you have a supportive employer / manager.

    So hang around, read up on posts, ask questions and post yourself. Remember that we are all different here but share the A-word in our being

  • in reply to Mr T

    Thanks, early 50s. I have kinda arranged life around my needs which means I don't experience a lot of the downsides. For example, I deliberately live in a quiet place with little disturbance, I don't seek out social contact and work from home in a job which gives me a lot of control over my day. So I don't "suffer" as such. I do feel I am missing out on things. Avoidance can bring its own anxiety!

    One thought I can't get away from is what is left of "me" if so much of my behaviour is explained by autism? I honestly thought it was just me. 

    My brain keeps reminding me of things I've done in the past (e.g. unusual reactions) which are probably best explained by autistic traits and I now wonder how I'd have dealt with things without them.

    Not sure how a diagnosis would help at this point, more interested in learning about what makes life better. Reading about masking makes me think I can train myself out of how I usually behave. This might not be the right direction at all of course!

  • in reply to Samuel50

    There is no quick fix or one solution fits all. We all have different traits and these will affect each of us differently.

    Remember you are allowed to not do things that make you feel uncomfortable. Embrace the change and try to just be you. It make time to unravel all those years of not knowing and your coping mechanisms.

    I have said before that diagnosis (or self diagnosis) is like peeling an onion. Every time you think you have peeled back a layer there is another one. I don't know how you are with onions but there maybe some tears!

    Eventually the 'what ifs' will slowly reduce in number as you realise you have always been autistic but just didn't know or realise it.

    As Forest Gump says about life being a box of chocolates, you never know what you will get!

Reply
  • in reply to Samuel50

    There is no quick fix or one solution fits all. We all have different traits and these will affect each of us differently.

    Remember you are allowed to not do things that make you feel uncomfortable. Embrace the change and try to just be you. It make time to unravel all those years of not knowing and your coping mechanisms.

    I have said before that diagnosis (or self diagnosis) is like peeling an onion. Every time you think you have peeled back a layer there is another one. I don't know how you are with onions but there maybe some tears!

    Eventually the 'what ifs' will slowly reduce in number as you realise you have always been autistic but just didn't know or realise it.

    As Forest Gump says about life being a box of chocolates, you never know what you will get!

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