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Really struggling with life at the moment but I’m to scared to die

Rach91

I am really struggling with my life my mental health has plummeted and I’m really struggling. I’m not eating or sleeping I keep messing things up with my friend we arguing all the time and things are going from bad to worse. Can’t get any work with the agency I’m working for and during one of my autism groups I walked out and had a staff member chase after me luckily she never caught up with me. I keep wanting to end things I’ve picked out what funeral I want and the songs power of love Frankie goes to Hollywood, before you go by Lewis capaldi and Highway to Hell by AC/DC. But I can’t do I’m to scared I keep thinking what would happen to my dog and what if I’m not found in time she would die from starvation and just because I’m suffering why should she suffer she just a sweet innocent old dog. I don’t want to lose my friend I want to go out to work and I want to live but my life is so hard I can’t go on I’m tired and fed up and I feel like what the point. I want to be with my mum at peace and all my suffering would end but I physically cannot kill myself I’m a coward to much of a coward to live to much of one to die. I pray that my suffering will end and for god to take it away but it continues and only gets worse. 

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  • Thanks for your support my friend has gotten the wrong end of the stick and I can’t explain to him or correct him as I’m blocked. I made a noose last night tried finding arrangements for my dog but I couldn’t go through with it. I want to live as I’m a fire performer I want to go out to work and I know my friend is still my friend he just wants some space. I just wish I could talk to him I know how to override a block on WhatsApp after hours of searching but I won’t do that unless it’s life or death. But i appreciate everyone’s comments. 

  • in reply to Rach91
    Rach91 said:
    I just wish I could talk to him I know how to override a block on WhatsApp after hours of searching but I won’t do that unless it’s life or death.

    Would it not be better to talk about, vent and process what your going through with one or more others who are not involved, so that you are not so wound up and your friend not overburdened when contact is restablished.

    One problem you could deal with for instance it seems, is to make sure that wherever you perform, that there is a 'chill-out' tent or such like, or if as used to be the case when I was a festival trader, there was a trailer, bus or tent with seating, heating and refreshments for traders and performers ~ until everyone was 'safely' on their way?

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  • in reply to Rach91
    Rach91 said:
    I just wish I could talk to him I know how to override a block on WhatsApp after hours of searching but I won’t do that unless it’s life or death.

    Would it not be better to talk about, vent and process what your going through with one or more others who are not involved, so that you are not so wound up and your friend not overburdened when contact is restablished.

    One problem you could deal with for instance it seems, is to make sure that wherever you perform, that there is a 'chill-out' tent or such like, or if as used to be the case when I was a festival trader, there was a trailer, bus or tent with seating, heating and refreshments for traders and performers ~ until everyone was 'safely' on their way?

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