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Overthinking or just clarifying?

Ccccccc5

Hi all,

I've a two part question:

I have a full time office job, generally cope well. Only some people know I'm autistic and have been very kind and helpful. 

Others that don't know can have a habit of saying things that they don't realise make me feel awful. The classic example is when I ask "what do you mean by X or X" when they use buzz words or business words, or when I suggest that, heaven forbid, we wrote down what we agreed and not just rely on memory after meetings. 

Today was trying to make sure an agenda was understandable for everyone, so i asked "what does long term development cover?". Someone replied with a long list of things to cover under the agenda item. I said I'm not sure we wil cover all that, is it an essential agenda item. 

Someone else then chipped to say I was "overthinking" the agenda, that we would see how far we get on the day of the meeting  why did it matter etc etc. Bear in mind this is a meeting being facilitated by someone external and involving a different company. I replied and said its important that everyone going knows what they will be asked and where we want to be by the end of the day as a minimum. 

First Q: But despite responding professionally, I can't help the gnawing anxiety now in my brain that I do over think. Am I overthinking or is clarity and preparation always better?! I think I'm being reasonable. 

Second Q: how do I stop the anxiety so I can get on with the day? I take both sertraline and beta blockers to manage anxiety symptoms, but I still have days once a week where I can't help ruminating on awkward moments and I end up wasting my holiday taking last minute half a day's holiday  cause I can't think of anything but the awkward moment. 

This is my first post, it's been great to just rant, but I'd really appreciate any tips on how not to spiral into a whole day wasted in particular, if anyone knows any! Too many books I own talk about avoiding anxiety in first place, but I can't always do that, there will always be misunderstandings with my colleagues and that's okay. I just need a recover mechanism. 

Thanks in advance

  • in reply to Ccccccc5

    Can you do visualisation exercises? I know some find them really hard and others really easy. I find that visualising putting different clothes on and off helps me to switch "selves", like my work self, from my home self, or my socialising self. Maybe with work actually changing clothes would help? Can you use the journey home to decompress a bit?

  • in reply to Homebird

    Thanks. I try to move on - any tips for learning this. 

    In my instance, it's less about errors and more about inconsistencies in neurotypical people - everyone says they hate wasteful meetings like I do, but don't seem to want to implement the solution like I do... I'm good at dealing with my frustrations about this, but it turns to anxiety/panic when they name call me just for trying to be consistent, as it makes me forget I'm not the problem. Different is automatically seen as bad by some

  • Rather than replying individually, just want to say thanks for validating my feelings. It's been super helpful. 

    If anyone does know of good resources on mechanisms to distract me from anxiety/improve resilience to bad days, would really appreciate it. I agree with the comments about taking time out, but it's using up all my annual leave to take the time out atm,  could do with bring down my processing and turn around time if possible!!! 

    I've tried therapy and didn't enjoy speaking this out loud. Im more of a self help girl, but science based of course. You have already been a million times more helpful to me. 

  • in reply to Deleted User

    I definitely overthink about overthinking! Joy

    But that comes from years of accidentally saying things, getting bullied etc. I'm sure many of you can relate  

  • Ccccccc5 said:
    heaven forbid, we wrote down what we agreed and not just rely on memory after meetings

    Several years ago I started emailing people with a summary of what was agreed in a meeting or conversation specifically to avoid faulty memories (some of which are intentional!). Most people seem not to mind.

    Ccccccc5 said:
    gnawing anxiety now in my brain that I do over think.

    It sounds like you may be overthinking about overthinking Slight smile

    Seriously though, nothing you have said here sounds unreasonable to me and would be of benefit to everyone, not just you. Overthinking is probably a core facet of autism but the examples you have given seem very reasonable to me.

    PS welcome to the forum!

  • Hi and welcome. I can identify with all you say. I also work in an office and get told sometimes I overthink. I see it more as being thorough and prepared. 

    In respect of anxiety I think that part of this is wanting to do a good job. We probably need to think that this was one minor thing and move on. (Difficult I know, but I have discovered that actually others are not as bothered as we are about small errors).

  • I don't think what you described at work as overthinking, if it had been me I would probably would snappily asked the collegue if they were underthinking. I think it is important for everyone to be on the same page in this sort of environment, so many things go wrong because people assume they understand what's meant, when actually they don't, this is especially important when you've got outside people involved.

    Sorry I can't help on the general anxiety stuff, but processing time is important and I think ASD people often need more processing time than NT's, maybe you'd be less anxious if you allowed yourself this processing time?

  • I don't have advice as such, but I learned over my working life to trust my instincts on some stuff.

    People don't like things written down to cover themselves if something goes wrong. If there was no minutes, I would always write a follow on email saying what I thought was agreed (about me) and ask for confirmation.

  • Hi C welcome to the forum.

    I think it is part of shared autistic traits to overthink things, I certainly do and can get caught up in an unhealthy spiral.

    I would say distraction would be my first port of call.