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Talking and Tones

CCRose

Does anyone else struggle with how people perceive their tone? Well today it annoyed me more than usual, as it happened for the first time at my newish job. I love my job and they are understanding but its like sometimes its like they forget I am autistic. I get it, I mask daily and people don't tend to see the 'real' me. I was late diagnosed and have gone my whole life masking and building a different 'me' for things such as work, social situations or even family events.

But even then the mask can drop, being tired, a loud environment and sensory issues can slip through. I was surrounded by 5 people near my desk, having their own conversations while also trying to ask me questions at the same time, this would be a lot for anyone but when someone got annoyed I wasn't listening to them, I replied 'Sorry, I didn't hear you as a lot is going on, people talking and sensory wise', I answered their question and moved on but the energy changed. 

People seem off and now for what ever reason I feel bad, like I should of just put up with it. I am trying to reason with myself to say what I said was nothing rude or wrong but I cant help thinking about it and 'What if I was rude'. 

Does anyone ever get like this? Or does anyone have any insight, I would really appreciate it!

Parents

  • Interesting point you raise CCRose......and yes, my "tone" or "intent" is often misinterpreted and perceived as angry, abrupt, cold, irritated, bullish or frustrated.......but when I am most certainly NONE of those things.

    In terms of insight, I have come to understand that when I am interested and trying to coax information from other humans, my "intensity" is simply too much for most people to understand.......so they just presume that the "intensity" is due to the adjectives I used above.  I choose not to declare my autism = just gets too damn complicated or infuriating to do so.

    These days, I tend to warn people about my "manner" if I can feel myself becoming interested......something like "btw, please be assured that I am very happy talking about this because I am very interested, but I am told sometimes that my manner can be misunderstood as irritated or angry - rest assured I am just happy and engaged."  This sort of statement normally raises a chuckle and often helps.....but sometimes, by simply saying that, I can see people instantly get tense.  There is no guaranteed "winning formula".....you just need to hope and try.

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  • Interesting point you raise CCRose......and yes, my "tone" or "intent" is often misinterpreted and perceived as angry, abrupt, cold, irritated, bullish or frustrated.......but when I am most certainly NONE of those things.

    In terms of insight, I have come to understand that when I am interested and trying to coax information from other humans, my "intensity" is simply too much for most people to understand.......so they just presume that the "intensity" is due to the adjectives I used above.  I choose not to declare my autism = just gets too damn complicated or infuriating to do so.

    These days, I tend to warn people about my "manner" if I can feel myself becoming interested......something like "btw, please be assured that I am very happy talking about this because I am very interested, but I am told sometimes that my manner can be misunderstood as irritated or angry - rest assured I am just happy and engaged."  This sort of statement normally raises a chuckle and often helps.....but sometimes, by simply saying that, I can see people instantly get tense.  There is no guaranteed "winning formula".....you just need to hope and try.

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