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Talking and Tones

CCRose

Does anyone else struggle with how people perceive their tone? Well today it annoyed me more than usual, as it happened for the first time at my newish job. I love my job and they are understanding but its like sometimes its like they forget I am autistic. I get it, I mask daily and people don't tend to see the 'real' me. I was late diagnosed and have gone my whole life masking and building a different 'me' for things such as work, social situations or even family events.

But even then the mask can drop, being tired, a loud environment and sensory issues can slip through. I was surrounded by 5 people near my desk, having their own conversations while also trying to ask me questions at the same time, this would be a lot for anyone but when someone got annoyed I wasn't listening to them, I replied 'Sorry, I didn't hear you as a lot is going on, people talking and sensory wise', I answered their question and moved on but the energy changed. 

People seem off and now for what ever reason I feel bad, like I should of just put up with it. I am trying to reason with myself to say what I said was nothing rude or wrong but I cant help thinking about it and 'What if I was rude'. 

Does anyone ever get like this? Or does anyone have any insight, I would really appreciate it!

Parents

  • First things first, I don’t think that was wrong of you to say! It is perfectly reasonable to feel like this and actually pretty polite to explain it to someone to explain that you’re not uninterested, just a bit overwhelmed.

    I struggle with this as well. I sometimes say things that insult others, because I didn’t think about how that could be perceived by someone who doesn’t only take the literal information out of it. It’s also very complicated with friends and family. There were many occasion where I got into a fight and didn’t even understand why just because “my tone was off”. 
    It’s even worse when people joke a lot, especially slightly insulting jokes or light teasing. I never know how far I should go and what tone to choose to actually make it clear to them that I’m kidding.

    You’re not alone and it’s very understandable that you’re feeling uncomfortable in situations like that. Do your colleagues know that you’re autistic? It might take some pressure from you to know that they understand why you might say things in a tone that (in their perception) differs from your intention.

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  • First things first, I don’t think that was wrong of you to say! It is perfectly reasonable to feel like this and actually pretty polite to explain it to someone to explain that you’re not uninterested, just a bit overwhelmed.

    I struggle with this as well. I sometimes say things that insult others, because I didn’t think about how that could be perceived by someone who doesn’t only take the literal information out of it. It’s also very complicated with friends and family. There were many occasion where I got into a fight and didn’t even understand why just because “my tone was off”. 
    It’s even worse when people joke a lot, especially slightly insulting jokes or light teasing. I never know how far I should go and what tone to choose to actually make it clear to them that I’m kidding.

    You’re not alone and it’s very understandable that you’re feeling uncomfortable in situations like that. Do your colleagues know that you’re autistic? It might take some pressure from you to know that they understand why you might say things in a tone that (in their perception) differs from your intention.

Children
  • in reply to Emmalephant

    Thank you so much! Yes they know I am autistic but due to my high masking they have said on serval occasions that they forget! 

    I have spoken to them since and all it good is think! They said they where frustrated by everything that day and just took my reply wrong. They said they would be more understanding moving forward. I am glad I spoke to them. Everyone's replys have been so helpful! 

    I am also glad I'm not alone in this, I was nervous posting this as it is my first thread but everyone on here are so lovely and supportive so thank you!