• Replies 18 replies
  • Subscribers 90 subscribers
  • Views 1144 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Talking and Tones

CCRose

Does anyone else struggle with how people perceive their tone? Well today it annoyed me more than usual, as it happened for the first time at my newish job. I love my job and they are understanding but its like sometimes its like they forget I am autistic. I get it, I mask daily and people don't tend to see the 'real' me. I was late diagnosed and have gone my whole life masking and building a different 'me' for things such as work, social situations or even family events.

But even then the mask can drop, being tired, a loud environment and sensory issues can slip through. I was surrounded by 5 people near my desk, having their own conversations while also trying to ask me questions at the same time, this would be a lot for anyone but when someone got annoyed I wasn't listening to them, I replied 'Sorry, I didn't hear you as a lot is going on, people talking and sensory wise', I answered their question and moved on but the energy changed. 

People seem off and now for what ever reason I feel bad, like I should of just put up with it. I am trying to reason with myself to say what I said was nothing rude or wrong but I cant help thinking about it and 'What if I was rude'. 

Does anyone ever get like this? Or does anyone have any insight, I would really appreciate it!

Parents
  • CCRose said:
    I was surrounded by 5 people near my desk, having their own conversations while also trying to ask me questions at the same time, this would be a lot for anyone but when someone got annoyed I wasn't listening to them,

    I would think that in this situation there are 3 things you should have done depending on the outcome you wanted.

    1 - stop what you are doing and join in the group. This is the socally acceptable thing to do. Give them your attention, answer the questions and be a part of the team.

    2 - ask them to leave as they are distracting you. This is isolationist and will lead you to be looked on badly by the group but you can focus on you work if that is more important to you.

    3 - get up and say "I'm going for a coffee / bathroom break" or some excuse to get out of there for a minute. Hopefully they will have moved on by the time you are back and you have the bonus of a quick break from work and maybe a tea & biccie.

    In the situation you describe point 1 would be the appropriate response. If it is too common for this sort of thing to happen then it would be best to break from the group with a parting "sorry guys I really need to get this report done or I'll get a warning" which should signal that they need to leave you alone or their actions will cause you a problem.

    Group dynamics are a special interest of mine after being through a whole career of this sort of thing. i used to enjoy experiementing with these and see where I could steer the discussion or persuade them to do something (like going to a different location) without them realising I was asking them to do it.

    It was interesting but a lot of hard work mentally, but that can be the way of some special interests I guess.

  • in reply to Iain

    That‘s a really interesting special interest !! 

Reply Children
No Data