Are we depressed?

A lot of what I see online is people talking about how their diagnosis changed their life and they seem to have a positive outlook now, I wish I felt like that but for me it simply gave me the reason for the difficulties but not any help to cope. I accept why I am how I am but still experience the meltdowns/shutdown/burnout/ depression. It is an exhausting cycle. I went to the gp about what post diagnostic support there is for autistic adults, they gave me links to websites such as this, and another antidepressant to try. These forums are a nice way to talk with people who understand but it isn’t professional help. I’m sad for all of us

Crumble said:

for me it simply gave me the reason for the difficulties but not any help to cope.

The onus is on you to become the change in your circumstances.

You can do something (research, try techniques to help, get a therapist etc) to improve things.

Start with the easy stuff (reading up on the traits that worst affect you then find a list of things to try to ease them) then the long slog though trial and error of testing the different techniques until you find what really works for you.

Own your own progress and the sense of agency should buid your confidence as well as your quality of life.

I do take things the wrong way but this comes across as patronising, could be me not interpreting what you have said in the way it was meant though. I wish I could say thankyou and I haven’t tried any of that but I have put accommodations in place for myself already it doesn’t take away the need for professional help, I don’t know how to explain it

I feel less depressed generally since I started asking questions of the questions, statements and assumptions people make about me as an autistic person. Things like socialising, I've been told I should do more, do it better, try and eat and drink things that don't agree with me because it's what people do, go to loud places and crowded ones. It all felt very invalidating, guilt inducing and made me feel like it was all very wrong, or rather I was very wrong and failing at being human. Unspurisingly I felt depressed and depairing, then I had a breakthrough, I started challenging the people who told me these things, why should I eat and drink things that disagree with me to make other people feel comfortable? Why should I want to spend time looking for people who were on my wave length when I know damn well they're very few and far between? What was I going to do with all these new found friends? What would I have to give up? And why the hell should I want to be "NORMAL" and who's version of normality?

Basically I started asking what was in this for me, what was it going to add to my life? The honest conclusion I came to was that it would add a lot more stress, self doubt, worry and gneral aggravation, far more than any positives I would get from it. So I stopped and started the long process of accepting that what I want and need from the world and from other people are valid, just as valid as the choices NT's make, I started asking them questions, like why is it so important to you that everybody acts the same and can be pigeon holed neatly? Oddly enough nobody really had or has an answer to that.

It all makes sense when I'm feeling ok, but when I'm down, everything becomes a complete different story.

I know what would help, but that in itself becomes a problem, for example, knowing I need to socialise to feel less isolated, makes me think about how I don't socialise and have few friends.

And If I have a paranoid thought that knocks me down a bit, either about friends, relationships, work etc. there's no way to get past it, it's like I become irrational just to avoid believing the people who try and help. 

It's definitely a cycle, I fight through it and eventually it'll be ok, but I know it'll come again. I'm not sure on the exact breakdown of time between"ok and not" , but I feel like I must spend more time on the way down, being down then trying to get back up, than I do "up".

It's exhausting at times, you can probably tell this is one of those times!

I wish I knew how to avoid the downs. I thought I'd got better since diagnosis as I knew more about what I was fighting, but I reckon I have a big one, every year around the same time (November to spring) and with all the new knowledge I have, I'm still in it.

Medication might be an option, but given what I've seen of it for others , added to my likely ADHD alongside diagnosed autism, I worry it'd make me worse.

It feels like it's rooted in self belief and confidence, but telling myself "you're brilliant" doesn't seem to improve it, if someone else says I am I second guess it as "they're saying that because they have to, they don't mean it" , a bit like the emperor's new clothes.

agreed, glad it worked for you - there is also the aspect of considering that how we also have a role in the mental states of others and part of the diagnostic criteria of autism is that we might struggle to ascertain what another person is thinking, feeling and intends.  Deliberation on same is something that the diagnosis implies as being something to work on in the way you well describe when pitching how one communicates - good to have several arrows in the bow maybe :-)

Phased said:

Depressed people aren't interested in activities

Then for a high functioning autist they are going to find nobody else who will help.

Even in a state of depression some can still find the strength to drag themselves up and take the first steps to breaking the cycle. That was what I was pointing them towards.

If they don't want to change then fine, but be honest and say you don't want it to improve.

If they can't change then they really do need 3rd party help such as a therapist, but they still need to get to book that appointment and turn up.

The sad fact is that the autists who are level 1 and probably 2 (using the current labelling process where the lower the number the lesser the support needs) will get little if any help from their GP, and even that needs them to book an appointment.

When you are at the depths of a depression hole and you have nobody there to help you, you are the only one who is going to get you climbing out again.

Been there, done that and seen many others do the same which is why I recommended the approach.

Phased said:

Depressed people aren't interested in activities

Then for a high functioning autist they are going to find nobody else who will help.

Even in a state of depression some can still find the strength to drag themselves up and take the first steps to breaking the cycle. That was what I was pointing them towards.

If they don't want to change then fine, but be honest and say you don't want it to improve.

If they can't change then they really do need 3rd party help such as a therapist, but they still need to get to book that appointment and turn up.

The sad fact is that the autists who are level 1 and probably 2 (using the current labelling process where the lower the number the lesser the support needs) will get little if any help from their GP, and even that needs them to book an appointment.

When you are at the depths of a depression hole and you have nobody there to help you, you are the only one who is going to get you climbing out again.

Been there, done that and seen many others do the same which is why I recommended the approach.

agreed, glad it worked for you - there is also the aspect of considering that how we also have a role in the mental states of others and part of the diagnostic criteria of autism is that we might struggle to ascertain what another person is thinking, feeling and intends.  Deliberation on same is something that the diagnosis implies as being something to work on in the way you well describe when pitching how one communicates - good to have several arrows in the bow maybe :-)