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Regression Social Skills?

KuriouslyAutistic44

Hello beautiful people! So I am curious what people have experience with regression in social skills. I feel like since my burnout, social skills have been in the workplace is "unfiltered" and I can not adapt to the normal social politeness or so -call professionalism as before. I have also realized that socializing with others is painful especially in groups or even some one on ones. Talking and communicating and knowing what to say or do...is challenging for me. Especially when there is an "unspoken expectation" to be 'polite, nice, filtered, or professional". I have been "using the professional mask in the workplace or to be socially acceptable and likeable and now that is out the window.  I am curious if anyone has experienced regression in socializing or maybe this is just what UNMASKING does....lol

  • I relate to this so much lol. I used to be pretty good at socialising in the past. I wouldn’t get stressed about knowing what to say I was able to figure out social norms quite intuitively and felt no awkwardness when speaking to others. However, over the years this skill has regressed significantly. I am way less outgoing and confident when speaking to others. It sucks so much it takes so much energy and causes me so much anxiety when socialing with people not in my immediate bubble. I really want to become better at socialising again as these difficulties prevent my personality coming through when I’m meeting new people which sucks.

  • Hi KuriouslyAutistic44,

    Thank you for posting to the community. I am sorry you are experiencing regression with socialising, particularly in the workplace. 

    We has some advice and guidance on burnout which includes burnout at work which may be useful to you: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/autistic-fatigue/autistic-adults

    I hope this helps. 

    Gina Mod

  • Yup! Menopause and burnout hit big time right about the time I was also in crisis with my medical phobias. I didn't know I was Autistic but the mask just fell away. I couldn't have masked at that point if I'd wanted to. Now I know I can't be bothered to put it back on again and don't see why I should.

    To be fair, I'm very lucky at work. I'm not the only Autistic person on the team and there is respect for us as Autistic people. Moreover, I work predominantly from home. Others, don't have that advantage and the obligation to mask up must be though.

  • Hi, I was high masking at time, but after giving birth and the maternal leave I kind of lost my learned social skills. I’m in a good position here because I work in a warehouse with few “cave men” who are also not masters in professional and polite behavior, I’m a bit like a shy girl although I’m 36 but look younger as others say. I remember struggling massively when I worked in a call center and customer service generally. It made me feel sick when I had to do small talk, pretend I’m happy while I was lost like a child in a fog in all those social rules and overwhelmed because of sensory issues and stress generally. I owe this forum the fact that I found a job that suits me. Because I found here people who I share a lot of experience with and I understood that I don’t have to fulfill others expectations at all cost. 
    the only disadvantage of this job is noise, but here I have my easy solution ear plugs and no one makes any troubles out of it. In previous jobs it happened to me to have sensory meltdowns but at that time I had no idea about that and looked other conditions confused being told by doctors that I’m exaggerating or making it up. But it’s a different story. 

  • Hello beautiful person yourself  

    Yep - when the effort to fit in excedes the capacity to do so then there's an imbalance. 

    I wonder sometimes that for me personally I just get to the point where I just go "blow it - I can't be bothered to beat around the bush. This is how I see it."  Probably more OK if they raised the topic... but still there are limits...

    That's maybe the "regression" that you write about.

    hanging on to the idea that there is a topic and there are people communicating it and all these need to kind of mesh to do the social communication thing helps maybe

    The Zen koan about "what us the sound of one hand clapping?"...

    "How for this person is the best way to communicate?" helps

    Have done the "think about the other person thing" so much that have tended to overlook and not consider and take into account how I feel until too late...

    neurotypical people seem to have a a better handle on thus and do so without having to concentrate so hard on it it seems

    How do I need to communicate for the best way automatically - this for me seems to be the issue I have forgotten or not got the hang of - yep maybe since an early age.

    Yes "unmasking" Including communicating to oneself in a nuanced way about current emotions, what the goal is etc back to a really basic level is perhaps regression to that point before it all got dis regulated. 

    Trying these things in a "safe" situation whilst still respecting others  seems to help get beyond the burnout.

    Learning what factors contributed to the burnout can help with a strategy for what to do to get a more even flame going again maybe too.