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What to do when my father dies.

nezzbitt

Hi there.

I doubt I will get anywhere, but here goes. I am going to make an appointment with the local Citizens Advice Bureau and have contacted them about this, not heard anything yet though.

I am on the autistic spectrum and haven’t been able to hold down a job and financially support myself. Living with my father, and pay no bills and rent. I get UC and DLA. I have been signed off with “limited capacity” so that I don’t need to spend time looking for work or to do “work improvement” steps (although I do remote volunteering a few hours per week via my laptop).

So me and my father are the tenants of a 3 bedroom house owned by what was Grand Union housing association in Flitwick, Central Beds. We inherited this after my mother died and my sisters moved out of this family home years ago. I think we have “fallen through the cracks” of the system as there are 2 males in this 3 bedroom house and no one has challenged it all these years.

I want to know what will happen when my father dies and I am the only occupant left in the house (I think the rent is in my Dad’s name only with regards to the housing association) – will I need to vacate and find accommodation quickly? Would I be moved to a one bedroom flat? Will I be house in some way (temporary accommodation) if there is no accommodation available? I would rather not be homeless on the street. Is it possible to move into an autism support place, not a care home, but a flat/dwelling with warden support etc?

Will I simply inherit the house I live in and pay all the rent and rates on that. I could not afford that at the moment.

What steps do I need to take now? I ask this as my father nearly had a stroke yesterday morning. Apparently the blood thinning meds stopped this from developing. He is over 70 and has serious physical conditions. His time with us is limited. The local autism charity just said to get a carer's assessment for him. Absolutely useless response that did not answer any of my questions here.

Best wishes,

Neil Burrows

  • in reply to Dawn

    Good to see you back here Slight smile

  • Does the hospital have a social work dept? THis is exactly the sort of thing they should be used to dealing with.

    Your MP might be able to help too.

    Do you have a key worker or anything as this is something they should be able to help you with too.

    I agree that the charities response was rubbish and none of your questions or concerns have been heard let alone advised on. I hope you get something sorted out to your satisfaction and that your Dad makes a meaningful recovery. I've been around people who've had strokes and the outcomes are different for each person, one lady I knew had the part of her memory that knew how to cook wiped out, she knew she had cooked before and quite well too, but she didn't remember how to do any of it. I've met others who have been very badly impacted by a stroke, where they previously had few other health problems and others who you'd think would be terribly impacted or dead and have been OK. There's no real telling, it sounds as though your Father got treated properly right at the start, so try and hopeful, whilst being aware that he's not going to be here forever.

  • Yes, the Citizen's Advice Bureau sounds like a good idea.  I wouldn't worry too much about it at this stage, I believe that there are normally grace periods where they would leave you be a while following a bereavement and whether they moved you or not you'd be eligible for housing benefit and council tax reduction I'm sure.  There should also be help toward funeral costs at the time.

    But you aren;t there yet.  Do either you or your Dad have a social worker?  It could be worth while a discussion with them.

  • nezzbitt said:
    What steps do I need to take now?

    I would think it would be your father who needs to speak to the housing association who administer the home - they will be able to provide accurate information in the situaiton.

    The downside is this is likely to flag up the fact you are in an underutilised home that may be more suitable for a larger family who really need it, so you may find yourselves being downsized - not a great thing if you are comfortable at the moment.

    Maybe you could find someone not related to you to call them up and ask the generic questions (what happens when a person dies and the occupancy reduces in a home) to the housing association - it should keep your name out of it and stop unwanted immediate effects.

    Your father will obviously need to be person doing the discussing as while he is capable, he will be the "responsible person" and decision maker who they will speak with.

    I would also speak to your father to see if he will allow you to have power of attorney if he is medically incapacitated - doing this in advance will save a lot of pain in persuading people to take you seriously. It will also be good to talk through some "what if" scenarios so he has the chance to tell you how he wants things to play out in the event he is still alive but in need of lots of care.

    Also check he has a current will - it is cheap to do if he hasn't already done it and it saves a lot of difficulty and stress when he does finally go. He may want to consider if he wants a DNR (do not resuscitate) order to stop him being revived if he stops living after a heart attack etc - this will all be his decision to make but while you are talking about difficult stuff it is worth getting all the hard stuff out of the way.

    I hope you find a solution that works for (all of) you.