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Struggling to accept autism

NAS89090

Hi everyone. Wondered if anyone had any advice? My boyfriend is struggling to accept the fact that he is autistic but loves me and my autistic, authentic self. Opening up about it caused him to have a meltdown. Does anyone have any tips surrounding how I can help him start to accept himself (to be honest, I am still on this journey myself)? I find it so hard to see him struggling with something I myself also struggle with and would be grateful for any advice.

Thank you in advance Slight smile

  • NAS89090 said:
    I find it so hard to see him struggling with something I myself also struggle with and would be grateful for any advice.

    If he is reluctant to consider the label for himself then I would think about looking at the autistic traits he has that cause him the most issues, find which you have an overlap with and try to get him involved on "helping you" understand about it and formulate a plan.

    This will get him into reading about it because he wants to help you, understanding some of the solutions and when you are trying them suggest he tries them too to help you along and if it accidentally helps him then everyone is a winner.

    This way he gets to practice some techniques, will hopefully start to realise there is a benefit to it and over time he should be able to cope better wth life if he still doesn't want to consider himself as autistic.

    Stealth support by proxy I guess you could call it.

  • in reply to Lotus

    Get him to come on here with you for a look, he may feel inspired by all the normal gripes, problems and successes we all have?

    Why is he feeling so upset that he's autistic? What support has he had post diagnosis?

  • Hi

    You say your boyfriend is struggling to accept the fact that he is autistic, although he loves you and you are autistic. Does it matter whether he accepts that label for himself or not? He's still the same person with or without it.

    You asked for tips on how to help him accept himself. If he's getting upset talking about autism in relation to himself, there is not much point talking to him about it unless he initiates the conversation. But here are a couple of ideas:

    Boost his self esteem by mentioning the things about him that you love, such as honesty, loyalty and reliability (I'm working on the assumption that these are traits he has - if not, replace them with other things you love about him)

    Talk about the things you struggle with and how you are trying to deal with them. Ask for his help with this, such as going to the shops with you or helping you plan things or make a schedule for the week. 

    In time he may come to realise that some of the things you love about him are actually autistic traits, and he may also realise that the things you do to cope with being autistic also help him.

    Try not to worry or over think it, just work on accepting each other for who you are.