as a man in his fifties awaiting diagnosis, the more digging i do, the more confused i get. the easiest way to describe my life is that i let it drift. many situations in my life i also play out in my mind. for example, if out on a first date, you will imagine how the relationship will develop over a period of time. the trouble is, when you live your life in 'virtual reality' , years go by and you realise you have not progressed as a person. seing my younger brother with teenage kids, seeing some of my peers being grandparents. where did the time go.
my coping mechanism has always been perfectionism. something which i, and anyone else cannot measure up to. this leaves me feeling afraid of failure, so i do not bother trying. my inability to 'live my best life' is frustrating.
do you all think these two conditions are linked. if i'm diagnosed as not being on the spectrum, this leaves me as just being a failed perfectionist. its like being on a formula 1 starting grid, the green light goes and everyone races off, except my car wont start. then competitors start to lap you and you realise that youre stuck.
any advice or coping stategies (other then perfectionism) would be appreciated.