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Is this just me being weird?

Deleted User

I've made a new online 'friend' that I met on bluesky. We are also 'friends' on Facebook. Whether online or IRL I'm very much a short  bursts of social interaction  punctuated by quite long breaks person when it comes  to engaging 1 to 1 with someone else. She's, to put it mildly,full on with her desire to interact with me. I'm struggling with that. Sometimes it's just too much effort to engage in spoken or written interaction 1 to 1 with another person.

  • in reply to Deleted User

    The way I deal with that is when they ask "what's new?" is to say "same old, but tell me about you".

    Routine can be important to us and if it is unexciting it is irrelevant - we like what we like.

    By flipping it back to them then they can use their natural "bubbliness" to carry the conversation and save us having to contribute too much.

    Personally I try to make a mental note of things going on for them that seem important to them and remember to ask about these things the next time. This helps make it seem you are actually interested and care about them plus it frees you up from having to say much,

    I guess it is a form of scripting but it has worked for me on countless situations for me through the decades when I was managing support teams and would step in to work on the front lines taking calls from time to time to share the load and show the team how to do the task well.

    I could keep files with notes on each customer (the important ones anyway) that I could open up quickly to give me some prompts about previous conversations so I didn't need to recall it while trying to record details of the fault and resolve the issue.

    That's my technique anyway.

  • in reply to Iain

    I haven't told her that. I guess I should. Another issue that always occurs sooner or later after the standard questions have been asked, is that of my not doing much that's different from one day to the next. I then struggle too avoid  being a highly repetitive bore.

  • Have you said to her that you find the intensity a challenge and you may have delays in getting back to her is an online conversation?

    Sometimes it is good to set boundaries and manage expectations to safeguard ourselves from overload.

    It doesn't help IRL of course but it may save you at least some of the time.

    For the IRL situations I personally find it best to tell them I cannot match their energy and don't think I'm being "off" if I'm quiet - I just have a different energy level to them.

    It helps to tell them you love their energy but you can't hope to keep up but keep being themselves.