Being part of the autistic community

I've been part of "autistic communities" before. I didn't feel truly welcome and there's so many arguments over the smallest things ("how dare you call yourself a person with autism") that I just can't be bothered, and it seems to be a few powerful people who can control what goes on there.

As someone who was piled on viciously by people who are also autistic, who also decided that I wasn't actually autistic, and was not defended by anyone, I side-eye anyone who says the autistic community in general is wonderful.

I’m observing the wide debate and what I noticed (maybe wrong, if so correct me) - being a part of autistic community means you are often being scanned for validity, which I find toxic, also there are some or maybe many, I don’t know, who themselves say, that there are already too many autistic people- those diagnosed and those not diagnosed but self identified. I think it might be something like- being autistic means you don’t fit in, don’t belong, you are the unicorn and somehow maybe subconsciously get used to it. And it may cause some sort of confusion or disappointment when the unicorn finds out, they are actually not such unicorns… there is a quite wide community of the unicorns. Everyone is unique but often sharing very similar experiences. I’m sorry if it triggers anyone. 

I’m observing the wide debate and what I noticed (maybe wrong, if so correct me) - being a part of autistic community means you are often being scanned for validity, which I find toxic, also there are some or maybe many, I don’t know, who themselves say, that there are already too many autistic people- those diagnosed and those not diagnosed but self identified. I think it might be something like- being autistic means you don’t fit in, don’t belong, you are the unicorn and somehow maybe subconsciously get used to it. And it may cause some sort of confusion or disappointment when the unicorn finds out, they are actually not such unicorns… there is a quite wide community of the unicorns. Everyone is unique but often sharing very similar experiences. I’m sorry if it triggers anyone. 

I've not personally experienced the validity part, but it's that sense of "autistic people must be perfect". I thought people who have had their character unfairly dissected would understand, but seemingly not.