first post

Hi Pupi and welcome. As a non English speaker you did well writing how you feel about autism. There were only a few sentences that are difficult to understand:

pupi said:

why they want to do.

- do you mean that you don't understand why people do some things? Or do you not understand what they want?

pupi said:

I start notice things, instead thinking I'm special

- Does this mean that you now think you are special because you notice things that are different in you than in other people? Or did you think you were special before, but now think you are not?

pupi said:

I can't imagen anymore.

- What can't you imagine? That you are the same as everyone else?

pupi said:

what if every person in the world will check imself maybe it's fil to all?

- The word fil is not English. Did you mean that maybe it fits all, that everyone might think they are autistic if they do the tests and read about autism?

Please do not be upset by my questions - I just want to fully understand, I am not criticising you.

I understand what you mean about feeling different after realising you are autistic. But we are not "lower class" - we are just different. But everyone has different personalities, skills and things they have problems with. I also agree that it should not be a problem if someone talks loudly or quietly. 

I hope that this community forum helps you.

Hi, thank you for your reference.
I will write with Google Translate.

why they want to do -- why do they even want to do all this

I start notice things, instead thinking I'm special -- I started to notice things about myself, from what I read. Noticing something is like suddenly getting punched in the stomach. It makes you stop. And what I meant was that before I didn't think everything was normal, but I knew I was a little different. Now I notice things and it's like getting punched in the face. Being different can depend on the environment, on the mood. Now I'll always think the problem is just me.

I can't imagen anymore -- 

I have no explanation for this. But not to be like others.
I don't want to think that everyone who said something about me was right.

I must say, there was a time when I was in a management position. I was good at it. People liked me. I knew all along, you don't have to read about autism for that, that they are not friends in the normal sense of friends.

Back to imagining, I always dreamed of superpowers...

what if every person in the world will check imself maybe it's fil to all-- That's a typo. I meant fit.

Why would I be upset, I was too lazy to translate :) even now it's Google and not GPT.
I'm not sure it's autism. That's why I wrote the sections I saw that were appropriate. Maybe from experience here someone can ask a question that is essential to know.

Thank you for your reply. 

Did you take this test?

https://psychology-tools.com/test/autism-spectrum-quotient

It's called the AQ50 and if you get a high score you are almost certainly autistic. This is used in UK by the professionals who assess people for autism. I don't know if it's available in other languages - what language do you speak?

If you are still not sure whether you are autistic, you can still talk to us and ask more questions. Everyone is welcome here.

I apologize, we were probably talking about different things. I meant a single case that happens, at the age of toddlers. You're probably talking about a pattern of behavior, and at a later age. Obviously, if it's something that continues and repeats itself, it doesn't matter what the age is and you need to find out if the child is suffering and how it can be improved. Also check what the reason is so that it doesn't continue or his feeling improves.

Yesterday I saw that there are a lot of views so I want to delete my profile. It's very pleasant here but I feel like a rat in a lab.

I don't think you understand what I said, and I'm not sure I understand everything you said either. I will try to make it clear.

I do not think a child is to blame for not having friends.

In the situation I described, I did not mean that the child consciously chooses their friends. Children naturally form groups of friends without understanding why. I used to be a teaching assistant working with children, and I only ever saw one child who had no friends - he was autistic with ADHD.

In an earlier post you suggested that a child might appear to be autistic when they are not, because they have no friends and only interact with adults. In my reply, I said that in that case it's possible that they may be autistic and so that should be investigated. No blame on the child, just a need to find out so that they can be given appropriate support. If they were not autistic they would still need help, and maybe they would need to see a child psychologist.

An example of a small sound is a ticking clock. Many people would not notice it. It drives me crazy.

You describe a situation where a child understands why they didn't want to play with him, accepts it, and chooses another group. Adults can hardly do all of this. All of this is assuming that another group even exists.
In my opinion, it is very dangerous to blame a child for other children not playing with him. Just because you think it's not a problem doesn't mean that he thinks that way. It also doesn't mean that it's true. A situation where children don't play with a child is a traumatic event. How can you conclude from that that he is autistic? It's just like saying that a girl who was raped is because of something in her. Children can not play, children can hit. First, check them. Offer them help.

It's interesting about school, but I have a hard time believing that this is an autistic experience. Maybe it depends on which school. The question is what you meant, I assume the social gathering and not the studies themselves. I didn't like it either.. But I was glad that children would come to me at the end of the school day to give me what they learned that day. Not because of the classes.

What do you mean by a small sound?

In the example of the dogs, if I understood correctly, they were content with loving dogs, and you wanted to know all the information related to it. I read about it. It happened to me in many areas..... But it's a desire to expand knowledge. How do you differentiate? Or did you mean memory capacity?

Yes, there are lots of reasons why certain children don't play with certain other children, but most will find some friends similar to them (who also wear glasses, for example)

You said I decided that because other children didn't want to play with him, that the child had a problem. I assume you mean that because he has no friends I think he must be autistic? I don't see autism as a problem, but it does cause problems with making friends, so although the child may not be autistic it's something that should be checked, so that the child can get the help they need.

Some examples of where I thought everyone was like me:

I hated school and thought everyone did. I was wrong. School is a very difficult place for most autistic children, but many non autistic children enjoy it.

I thought others could hear small sounds but just didn't mention it. Then I realised they couldn't hear those small sounds that I could.

I thought my interest in dogs when I was young was not unusual. But most young women who like dogs cannot identify every breed. I learned them all. This is an example of an autistic intense special interest.

Thanks for your response
There are lots of reasons why children won't play with a child. Starting from appearance (not political but always relevant), acquaintance of parents, a toy someone wanted. Glasses. There are lots of reasons. An adult will probably know the reason but the child's experience is personal to him.

Asking why the children didn't want to play with him - and then immediately determining that it's because he has a problem? That's terrible. That's the scariest thing in a child's experience. If anything, that's an example of why a child will be afraid and prefer to stay away.

I suppose in many cases skill is needed. I know that it's prominent with me - so for this minute I'm sure it's attention deficit disorder and not autism. I have a diagnosis for that. I'm not sure about that either. Leave me without cigarettes and they'll be able to diagnose a psychopath.

Do you have an example of something that autistic people think everyone is like them and that's not?

It was very helpful to this Venusian as before I  read it I also thought that everyone experienced things the same way as me. 

The author is Ian Ford if you want to search for it online.

Lotus said:

Unfortunately I have heard stories of people being told they are not autistic because they are married, or because they have a friend, or because they work. This is not true - autistic people can make friends, get married, work and have children. They will still struggle with things though, which is why they are more likely to suffer from mental illness, but some learn to "mask" their autism, trying to act in a way they think is " normal" - so an assessor needs to be able to see through that.

I have seen people post such experiences here. There seems to be wide variation in how assessments are done. In Scotland the NHS has a very thorough set of guidelines assessors should follow and that is how mine was done but I’ve heard others say they had a one hour Zoom call, which just amazes me.

Masking was discussed heavily in my assessment and in the assessment report. It’s one the things they try very hard to gauge. They also got me to complete the CAT-Q test which assesses how much you mask (or “camouflage”). My score was off the chart.

https://embrace-autism.com/cat-q/

I will have to look for that field guide to earthlings, as it may be very helpful to a Martian like myself! 

Hi A And Pupi, this is a really interesting discussion.

Pupi, you gave an example of a child who other children do not want to play with developing autistic type behaviour. But why don't the other children want to play with him? Difficulty making and keeping friends is one of the main signs of autism due to communication and social interaction differences. Therefore the autistic child may prefer to be on their own or to interact with adults who they trust such as family members or teachers, who do not tease them or shun them and can teach them things.

You also asked if I had taken an ADD or OCD questionnaire. I have taken an ADHD online test and it showed that I did not have ADHD, but I score high on all autism tests. I'm sharing this is just to show that we don't all automatically score high on every test, although autistic people are more likely to have ADHD too.I

I also.understand that sometimes people can see things that a written test might not show, but the assessor has to be properly trained and skilled to see these things. Unfortunately I have heard stories of people being told they are not autistic because they are married, or because they have a friend, or because they work. This is not true - autistic people can make friends, get married, work and have children. They will still struggle with things though, which is why they are more likely to suffer from mental illness, but some learn to "mask" their autism, trying to act in a way they think is " normal" - so an assessor needs to be able to see through that.

A - you made a good point about autistic people thinking that everyone has the same problems or thinks the same way as they do. I read a book called "The field guide to Earthlings" which explained how neurotypical brains develop and the differences to autistic brains, which explained to me that autistic and neurotypical people have specific differences in the way they process information and deal with sensory inputs and communication.

Pupi - if you want to be certain whether you are autistic, you will have to try to get an assessment. But if you don't want that, or you will have to wait a long time for it, you are still welcome to talk through things with us on this forum.

Hi A And Pupi, this is a really interesting discussion.

Pupi, you gave an example of a child who other children do not want to play with developing autistic type behaviour. But why don't the other children want to play with him? Difficulty making and keeping friends is one of the main signs of autism due to communication and social interaction differences. Therefore the autistic child may prefer to be on their own or to interact with adults who they trust such as family members or teachers, who do not tease them or shun them and can teach them things.

You also asked if I had taken an ADD or OCD questionnaire. I have taken an ADHD online test and it showed that I did not have ADHD, but I score high on all autism tests. I'm sharing this is just to show that we don't all automatically score high on every test, although autistic people are more likely to have ADHD too.I

I also.understand that sometimes people can see things that a written test might not show, but the assessor has to be properly trained and skilled to see these things. Unfortunately I have heard stories of people being told they are not autistic because they are married, or because they have a friend, or because they work. This is not true - autistic people can make friends, get married, work and have children. They will still struggle with things though, which is why they are more likely to suffer from mental illness, but some learn to "mask" their autism, trying to act in a way they think is " normal" - so an assessor needs to be able to see through that.

A - you made a good point about autistic people thinking that everyone has the same problems or thinks the same way as they do. I read a book called "The field guide to Earthlings" which explained how neurotypical brains develop and the differences to autistic brains, which explained to me that autistic and neurotypical people have specific differences in the way they process information and deal with sensory inputs and communication.

Pupi - if you want to be certain whether you are autistic, you will have to try to get an assessment. But if you don't want that, or you will have to wait a long time for it, you are still welcome to talk through things with us on this forum.

I apologize, we were probably talking about different things. I meant a single case that happens, at the age of toddlers. You're probably talking about a pattern of behavior, and at a later age. Obviously, if it's something that continues and repeats itself, it doesn't matter what the age is and you need to find out if the child is suffering and how it can be improved. Also check what the reason is so that it doesn't continue or his feeling improves.

Yesterday I saw that there are a lot of views so I want to delete my profile. It's very pleasant here but I feel like a rat in a lab.

I don't think you understand what I said, and I'm not sure I understand everything you said either. I will try to make it clear.

I do not think a child is to blame for not having friends.

In the situation I described, I did not mean that the child consciously chooses their friends. Children naturally form groups of friends without understanding why. I used to be a teaching assistant working with children, and I only ever saw one child who had no friends - he was autistic with ADHD.

In an earlier post you suggested that a child might appear to be autistic when they are not, because they have no friends and only interact with adults. In my reply, I said that in that case it's possible that they may be autistic and so that should be investigated. No blame on the child, just a need to find out so that they can be given appropriate support. If they were not autistic they would still need help, and maybe they would need to see a child psychologist.

An example of a small sound is a ticking clock. Many people would not notice it. It drives me crazy.

You describe a situation where a child understands why they didn't want to play with him, accepts it, and chooses another group. Adults can hardly do all of this. All of this is assuming that another group even exists.
In my opinion, it is very dangerous to blame a child for other children not playing with him. Just because you think it's not a problem doesn't mean that he thinks that way. It also doesn't mean that it's true. A situation where children don't play with a child is a traumatic event. How can you conclude from that that he is autistic? It's just like saying that a girl who was raped is because of something in her. Children can not play, children can hit. First, check them. Offer them help.

It's interesting about school, but I have a hard time believing that this is an autistic experience. Maybe it depends on which school. The question is what you meant, I assume the social gathering and not the studies themselves. I didn't like it either.. But I was glad that children would come to me at the end of the school day to give me what they learned that day. Not because of the classes.

What do you mean by a small sound?

In the example of the dogs, if I understood correctly, they were content with loving dogs, and you wanted to know all the information related to it. I read about it. It happened to me in many areas..... But it's a desire to expand knowledge. How do you differentiate? Or did you mean memory capacity?

Yes, there are lots of reasons why certain children don't play with certain other children, but most will find some friends similar to them (who also wear glasses, for example)

You said I decided that because other children didn't want to play with him, that the child had a problem. I assume you mean that because he has no friends I think he must be autistic? I don't see autism as a problem, but it does cause problems with making friends, so although the child may not be autistic it's something that should be checked, so that the child can get the help they need.

Some examples of where I thought everyone was like me:

I hated school and thought everyone did. I was wrong. School is a very difficult place for most autistic children, but many non autistic children enjoy it.

I thought others could hear small sounds but just didn't mention it. Then I realised they couldn't hear those small sounds that I could.

I thought my interest in dogs when I was young was not unusual. But most young women who like dogs cannot identify every breed. I learned them all. This is an example of an autistic intense special interest.

Thanks for your response
There are lots of reasons why children won't play with a child. Starting from appearance (not political but always relevant), acquaintance of parents, a toy someone wanted. Glasses. There are lots of reasons. An adult will probably know the reason but the child's experience is personal to him.

Asking why the children didn't want to play with him - and then immediately determining that it's because he has a problem? That's terrible. That's the scariest thing in a child's experience. If anything, that's an example of why a child will be afraid and prefer to stay away.

I suppose in many cases skill is needed. I know that it's prominent with me - so for this minute I'm sure it's attention deficit disorder and not autism. I have a diagnosis for that. I'm not sure about that either. Leave me without cigarettes and they'll be able to diagnose a psychopath.

Do you have an example of something that autistic people think everyone is like them and that's not?

It was very helpful to this Venusian as before I  read it I also thought that everyone experienced things the same way as me. 

The author is Ian Ford if you want to search for it online.

Lotus said:

Unfortunately I have heard stories of people being told they are not autistic because they are married, or because they have a friend, or because they work. This is not true - autistic people can make friends, get married, work and have children. They will still struggle with things though, which is why they are more likely to suffer from mental illness, but some learn to "mask" their autism, trying to act in a way they think is " normal" - so an assessor needs to be able to see through that.

I have seen people post such experiences here. There seems to be wide variation in how assessments are done. In Scotland the NHS has a very thorough set of guidelines assessors should follow and that is how mine was done but I’ve heard others say they had a one hour Zoom call, which just amazes me.

Masking was discussed heavily in my assessment and in the assessment report. It’s one the things they try very hard to gauge. They also got me to complete the CAT-Q test which assesses how much you mask (or “camouflage”). My score was off the chart.

https://embrace-autism.com/cat-q/

I will have to look for that field guide to earthlings, as it may be very helpful to a Martian like myself!