What confirmed your own autism suspicions?

Bountiful Greetings Violetfred! I am so glad you are here. Thank you for sharing your experience and you are not rambling at all.

For me, I didn't start looking into neurodiversity until around September of this year. Life was just hard. All my coping skills that I used didn't work anymore, no matter how much I tried to "overcome it", nothing worked. Then I figured it was burn out since I was doing so much and yet that didn't seem true either because the exhaustion and sensory overloads amplified. My ability to connect with people became more harder and I begin feeling like I was in a bubble observing others. I also realized that it takes me awhile to process information, conversations, or situations. Also noticing that understanding how I feel didn't have words but would come out with movements or sounds or the need to release this energy that was surging through my body. After much self-reflection I also realized that my burn outs had a patterning especially when it came to jobs and life circumstances. The whole "keeping it together" didn't work and I was beginning to have meltdowns in front of people or shutdowns and I couldn't understand why. I started researching about mental health beyond just depression, trauma, anxiety and burn out. I came across YT videos about what it means to be neurodivergent and as I kept seeing videos about ADHD and Autism, I feel it a deep resonates within my soul. I started binge watching all the videos, reading as many materials and books as possible. I did the online assessments from the website EmbraceAutism.com and that furthered affirmed my suspicions with the scores. I am on this journey of unpacking, unbecoming, and truly getting settled with who I am beyond the mask I created for so long from years of survival and trauma. And I am learning how to be patient because this will take time to discover, to develop new healthy support systems in this "vulnerable state of being". As far as a diagnosis, I've chose to be self-diagnosed for a while, until recently my therapist mentioned I might be autistic but as she put it "I wouldn't be very much." Not very validating, however, as I read people's stories, the psychology world has a lot of catching up and educating to do. I am currently reading "The Autistic Survival Guide for Therapy" by Steph Jones, and her book is continually helping. 

I am practicing how to "accept and embrace" being autistic because saying it out loud feels too real and not sure how to sit with that uncomfortable feeling yet. Being a woman of color in the U.S. and claiming to be autistic opens a huge can of things that I am not sure I am ready to navigate yet. I am just learning how to accept ME for the very first time in my life without the lingering phrase, "What's wrong with you?". 

I affirm Nothing is wrong with me; I am who I am in this world period. I am so grateful for every person in this community, even though I may not know you, I feel like I finally can connect with others.

Bountiful Greetings Violetfred! I am so glad you are here. Thank you for sharing your experience and you are not rambling at all.

For me, I didn't start looking into neurodiversity until around September of this year. Life was just hard. All my coping skills that I used didn't work anymore, no matter how much I tried to "overcome it", nothing worked. Then I figured it was burn out since I was doing so much and yet that didn't seem true either because the exhaustion and sensory overloads amplified. My ability to connect with people became more harder and I begin feeling like I was in a bubble observing others. I also realized that it takes me awhile to process information, conversations, or situations. Also noticing that understanding how I feel didn't have words but would come out with movements or sounds or the need to release this energy that was surging through my body. After much self-reflection I also realized that my burn outs had a patterning especially when it came to jobs and life circumstances. The whole "keeping it together" didn't work and I was beginning to have meltdowns in front of people or shutdowns and I couldn't understand why. I started researching about mental health beyond just depression, trauma, anxiety and burn out. I came across YT videos about what it means to be neurodivergent and as I kept seeing videos about ADHD and Autism, I feel it a deep resonates within my soul. I started binge watching all the videos, reading as many materials and books as possible. I did the online assessments from the website EmbraceAutism.com and that furthered affirmed my suspicions with the scores. I am on this journey of unpacking, unbecoming, and truly getting settled with who I am beyond the mask I created for so long from years of survival and trauma. And I am learning how to be patient because this will take time to discover, to develop new healthy support systems in this "vulnerable state of being". As far as a diagnosis, I've chose to be self-diagnosed for a while, until recently my therapist mentioned I might be autistic but as she put it "I wouldn't be very much." Not very validating, however, as I read people's stories, the psychology world has a lot of catching up and educating to do. I am currently reading "The Autistic Survival Guide for Therapy" by Steph Jones, and her book is continually helping. 

I am practicing how to "accept and embrace" being autistic because saying it out loud feels too real and not sure how to sit with that uncomfortable feeling yet. Being a woman of color in the U.S. and claiming to be autistic opens a huge can of things that I am not sure I am ready to navigate yet. I am just learning how to accept ME for the very first time in my life without the lingering phrase, "What's wrong with you?". 

I affirm Nothing is wrong with me; I am who I am in this world period. I am so grateful for every person in this community, even though I may not know you, I feel like I finally can connect with others.

How beautifully put. I know ALL people, to some extent, project an image of how they'd like to be seen by others. Speaking for myself, I can only say that it goes beyond that. I've observed family members and colleagues over the years and mimicked aspects of their characters that I thought could build up a personna. The only trouble is, after 40 years of doing this, you start to be confused with who you actually are!

I am a 52 year old man, yet I still feel the sense of awe in things that I did as a child. Emotions have always been rather confusing and I have always shied away from them. People just assume you're being a standoffish Brit and that it comes with the territory (ha ha). Despite this, I have never had a problem with empathy.

Like you, I long to live in a world where people are empathetic and non-judgemental. Where you are accepted for who and what you are. A world where everybody is treated equally and fairly and you're not mocked for your beliefs.

It's comforting to know that people like you...like us, are out there. I think I should have joined this community a long time ago; but better late than never, as they say. Good luck on your journey of self-discovery