I feel for you because although my family situation is different to yours, I experience similar thoughts and feelings about failure in the past and present. Growing up, I was expected to achieve academically, financially and socially, but failed miserably in all three. I was often criticised, and I believed it was justified, but I couldn’t seem to help myself. Shame over failure and mistakes have been consuming me. Since being diagnosed as autistic just earlier this month, I now know at least some of my failures were due to autism. I have returned to my old Cognitive Behaviour Therapy handouts and books, and am working on trying to build my self esteem. I am working on the TRUE fact that there is nothing I can do to change the past. The past no longer exists, there is only this moment now. Many of the things I did wrong in the past, that consume my thoughts now, were because of my autism, they were not my fault. I returned to education through part time and semi distance learning in my late 30s and ended with a bachelors degree and a masters with distinction, but I kept thinking there might be something wrong with the degree programmes; this is probably due to low self esteem. I think you are right about many years of poor recognition of needs and struggles contributing to your feelings. To me, being a good dad, grandad and great grand dad sounds like a wonderful achievement, because not everyone is.
I feel for you because although my family situation is different to yours, I experience similar thoughts and feelings about failure in the past and present. Growing up, I was expected to achieve academically, financially and socially, but failed miserably in all three. I was often criticised, and I believed it was justified, but I couldn’t seem to help myself. Shame over failure and mistakes have been consuming me. Since being diagnosed as autistic just earlier this month, I now know at least some of my failures were due to autism. I have returned to my old Cognitive Behaviour Therapy handouts and books, and am working on trying to build my self esteem. I am working on the TRUE fact that there is nothing I can do to change the past. The past no longer exists, there is only this moment now. Many of the things I did wrong in the past, that consume my thoughts now, were because of my autism, they were not my fault. I returned to education through part time and semi distance learning in my late 30s and ended with a bachelors degree and a masters with distinction, but I kept thinking there might be something wrong with the degree programmes; this is probably due to low self esteem. I think you are right about many years of poor recognition of needs and struggles contributing to your feelings. To me, being a good dad, grandad and great grand dad sounds like a wonderful achievement, because not everyone is.