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A question

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Does being a good (step) dad,granddad, and great granddad(in their eyes) make up for being an abject failure in so many other ways such things are usually defined? Some people get over childhood & teenage bullying and achieve great things. I lacked the inner strength to do so
A situation not helped,no doubt, by far too may years of poor recognition of needs and things I struggle with. But others do well despite that. I can't genuinely say I feel depressed,beyond a dip in mood that's probably SAD. What I can say is that I feel useless and worthless a lot of the time.
Parents
  • Unknown said:
    Does being a good (step) dad,granddad, and great granddad(in their eyes) make up for being an abject failure in so many other ways such things are usually defined?

    I don't think life is all about these checks and balances - our failures are in the past and the best we can do is learn from them and do better in the future. I don't beat myself up over my past failures although there have been times I felt guilt over hurting people in the past.

    I think that being a good person to those who matter is a persuit worthy in its own right, not as a compensation for something that has gone before. Tying these situations together will only bring the negative feelings of the failures in to contaminate the positives of the good you are now doing.

    Unknown said:
    What I can say is that I feel useless and worthless a lot of the time.

    I think we all have inherent worth, yourself included. You are clearly trying hard to demonstrate this and that is really all we can do in life - do our best to the limits of our capacity.

    Unfortunately as autists we often have factors that limit our capacities but the important thing is to be consistent in applying your efforts when you are capable - this is you literally being your best self.

    If you can afford it, I think talking this through with a capable, autistic understanding therapist would work wonders for you.

    For now, just keep on doing what you are doing, take credit for the small wins and learn to forgive yourself and you should find your feeling of self worth slowly returns.

Reply
  • Unknown said:
    Does being a good (step) dad,granddad, and great granddad(in their eyes) make up for being an abject failure in so many other ways such things are usually defined?

    I don't think life is all about these checks and balances - our failures are in the past and the best we can do is learn from them and do better in the future. I don't beat myself up over my past failures although there have been times I felt guilt over hurting people in the past.

    I think that being a good person to those who matter is a persuit worthy in its own right, not as a compensation for something that has gone before. Tying these situations together will only bring the negative feelings of the failures in to contaminate the positives of the good you are now doing.

    Unknown said:
    What I can say is that I feel useless and worthless a lot of the time.

    I think we all have inherent worth, yourself included. You are clearly trying hard to demonstrate this and that is really all we can do in life - do our best to the limits of our capacity.

    Unfortunately as autists we often have factors that limit our capacities but the important thing is to be consistent in applying your efforts when you are capable - this is you literally being your best self.

    If you can afford it, I think talking this through with a capable, autistic understanding therapist would work wonders for you.

    For now, just keep on doing what you are doing, take credit for the small wins and learn to forgive yourself and you should find your feeling of self worth slowly returns.

Children