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Coping with blended families

MummyDidIt

Hi all. I'm an autistic adult, dx 2 years ago, in the process of getting a divorce. I am starting a relationship with another divorcee but am really struggling with the concept of the blended family, especially as I have been estranged from my family since my dx. Any pointers would be helpful, thank you

Parents

  • What sort of things are you struggling with?

    Other peoples xmasses are always a bit odd, they rarely have the same traditions as "we" do and it can all get a bit fraught when traditions collide, I got told off for serving bread sauce, my family always have it, but my ex's family never did, then there's when you open presents, when you have dinner, do you watch telly and all sorts?

  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    Playing second fiddle to everyone in his family. We arrange something for us two and then something comes up with his family, and I get dropped. He hasn't told them about me yet. I'm getting warning sounds in my head. 

  • in reply to MummyDidIt

    How long have you been together?

    If it's more than a couple of months I'd be getting red flags too at them not even knowing you exist. If he has a carer role then maybe the person who he's caring for does have to come first, but other than that, hmm, sounds iffy and like he needs to put some boundaries in place.

    The other thing is how can it be a blended family if you're not part of it?

  • in reply to MummyDidIt

    I've a trail of "failed" relationships behind me, but I've often wondered if I gave the benefit of the doubt to new partners to readily, as when I look back I can see the points that raised red flags that I ignored.

    We're brought up with the idea of life long relationships as being the ideal, but not all of us manage it or are suited to them. We grow and change through life and some patners grow and change with us and others try and hold us back. I'm not suited to long term relationships, I'm not sure I'm suited to any relationship for that matter, partners take up to much bandwidth.

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  • in reply to MummyDidIt

    I've a trail of "failed" relationships behind me, but I've often wondered if I gave the benefit of the doubt to new partners to readily, as when I look back I can see the points that raised red flags that I ignored.

    We're brought up with the idea of life long relationships as being the ideal, but not all of us manage it or are suited to them. We grow and change through life and some patners grow and change with us and others try and hold us back. I'm not suited to long term relationships, I'm not sure I'm suited to any relationship for that matter, partners take up to much bandwidth.

Children
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