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Am I being too sensitive?

Allie🖤

Family has gathered for the Holidays and I’m already feeling uncomfortable as the only autistic person involved.

The conversation somehow leads to autism, my sister and her boyfriend begin talking about how someone had told them that they both have “autistic traits”. (Personally, I feel that they’re both very neurotypical.) They joke and sneer as is they’ve been insulted, as if being autistic is the worst thing you can be called. Right in front of me. 

Both of them are fully aware that I have a diagnosis, yet they don’t see a problem with what they’re saying. My parents then continue to say “they didn’t mean it to upset you”… but it did upset me, it upset me a lot. 

I feel belittled and like my feelings don’t matter. I feel like I should just shut up and deal with it. I feel so upset and I don’t want to be around anyone. Am I being over dramatic? Am I being stupid? 

Parents

  • Hi Ellie - I'm sorry this has happened to you, and I also think you're not being over sensitive, or.stupid.

    I'm going to try to "take the sting out of this" though, so please bear with me for a moment. I have read about how neurotypical people's minds process things, and as I understand it, NT people have a very well defined sense of identity that they will strongly defend. So the person that claimed to see autistic traits in your sister and her boyfriend have attacked their sense of who they are, and they reacted strongly to that. Also, this person may be one of those people who goes around claiming that "we're all a bit autistic" which is annoying to autistic people too. Plus, the "double empathy" problem means that your sister and her boyfriend may not understand how this makes you feel - because they have no idea what it feels like to be autistic.

    Having said that, although there may not have been any intention to upset you, it was still extremely rude and thoughtless. As Andy suggested, maybe when you have had some rest and feel stronger you could try to explain to your sister how it made you feel. Hopefully you can get some resolution to this.

    I wish you well and hope you have a happy and peaceful Christmas.

Reply

  • Hi Ellie - I'm sorry this has happened to you, and I also think you're not being over sensitive, or.stupid.

    I'm going to try to "take the sting out of this" though, so please bear with me for a moment. I have read about how neurotypical people's minds process things, and as I understand it, NT people have a very well defined sense of identity that they will strongly defend. So the person that claimed to see autistic traits in your sister and her boyfriend have attacked their sense of who they are, and they reacted strongly to that. Also, this person may be one of those people who goes around claiming that "we're all a bit autistic" which is annoying to autistic people too. Plus, the "double empathy" problem means that your sister and her boyfriend may not understand how this makes you feel - because they have no idea what it feels like to be autistic.

    Having said that, although there may not have been any intention to upset you, it was still extremely rude and thoughtless. As Andy suggested, maybe when you have had some rest and feel stronger you could try to explain to your sister how it made you feel. Hopefully you can get some resolution to this.

    I wish you well and hope you have a happy and peaceful Christmas.

Children
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