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working on change in core features of autism - is it worth the effort?

Phased

Hi all :-)

I'm two years into being ASD type 1 diagnosed and 60 years old.  I am slowly getting to understand what that means and the implications of it.

I am now wondering just how much autistic people can change in the expression of core features that define the condition.  Is it worth the effort to try or should one instead work on being "authentic" to one's true autistic self?

I suspect the reality will be a bit of both and finding one right answer might be impossible for now, nonetheless...

I've started a bit of analysis on this so far I've got this:

Just be your authentic autistic self – let your autism be free? 

 Advantages – less hard work cognitively, socially aligns oneself to other autistic people, be “true to yourself” and recognise self better has it's own reward

Disadvantages – problems with survival and thriving in neurotypical world

Potentially missing out on experiences and insights that would enhance and make life more meaningful

 

Change by adapting  Work hard and smart at learning to understand it – perhaps get the brain and behaviour to  both consciously or subconsciously do things to “fit in” to more neurotypical society and life.

Advantages less social conflict and increased potential for social “advancement”

Disadvantages This is in itself potentially “masking” behaviour so the risk of “losing oneself” might be higher

Relies upon “knowing oneself” and recognising other things that might be impossible for autistic people so really a waste of time and effort...

 

I would like to ask what is the knowledge and experience of other members in the community please - can you help with this analysis?

Parents

  • There are already many very good answers here! What one could draw from them is, as you’ve already said, there’s no definite answer. Since there’s already much high quality advice here I’m just gonna give an idea for a mental path to go down.

    Phased said:
    Potentially missing out on experiences and insights that would enhance and make life more meaningful

    I often struggle with the thought of missing out on something. The question is, when am I actually missing out on positive experiences? Since I’m still quite young, things like getting invited to a party are a big piece of social life. I barely do get invited and whenever there’s a party basically everyone around me goes to, I feel utterly alone and left out. But then again; why? I don’t like those people too much and honestly? Parties are always stressful, loud and full of opportunities to embarrass oneself. My mind is currently trying to wrap itself around the thought that it might not be too bad to not get invited to something I wouldn’t really want to attend anyway. 
    There certainly are situations where you’re actually gonna miss out on stuff you’d like, but how often is this actually the case and how often do you just feel obliged to want something you wouldn’t actually enjoy? 

  • in reply to Emmalephant
    Emmalephant said:
    Since I’m still quite young, things like getting invited to a party are a big piece of social life. I barely do get invited and whenever there’s a party basically everyone around me goes to, I feel utterly alone and left out. But then again; why? I don’t like those people too much and honestly? Parties are always stressful, loud and full of opportunities to embarrass oneself. My mind is currently trying to wrap itself around the thought that it might not be too bad to not get invited to something I wouldn’t really want to attend anyway. 
    There certainly are situations where you’re actually gonna miss out on stuff you’d like, but how often is this actually the case and how often do you just feel obliged to want something you wouldn’t actually enjoy? 

    It took me a LOT of years to learn that piece of wisdom.

    We are TRAINED from multiple directions when we are young and given expectations of life, many of which (for me) have turned out to be completely false.

    I've also leanred that "disillusionment", is geenrally held to be a bad thing, because the Knowledge that comes with disillusionment cuts you off from the majority. A classical example for me was being disillusioned of the idea that I was "just the same as everybody else".

    Post diagnosis, I now realsie that I am a member of a minority that deviates from the majority, fundamentally and irrepairably (even if I wanted to change) in the way that I see the world and solve problems. The things that put such big smiles on the faces of the NT's simply don't touch me like they do them.. I'll never react the same as them in most situations unless I learn how to fake it. Friendships are indeed statistally speaking harder to form, because fewer peoeple are compatible with me or find enough common ground to form a friendship. The list is massive... 

    The upside of "disillusionment" is of course, that it makes it easier to know God..There's some rubbish I can firmly reject, knowing that whilst the rest can swim in it happily it is toxic to me. And there's some things I have to accept about myself that are toxic to most NT's (or right minded people as they style themselves.)

    As a "high functioning" Autist I hear or read the words to the song "Mongolod" by DEVO, and think, that sounds like my life before diagnosis! 

Reply
  • in reply to Emmalephant
    Emmalephant said:
    Since I’m still quite young, things like getting invited to a party are a big piece of social life. I barely do get invited and whenever there’s a party basically everyone around me goes to, I feel utterly alone and left out. But then again; why? I don’t like those people too much and honestly? Parties are always stressful, loud and full of opportunities to embarrass oneself. My mind is currently trying to wrap itself around the thought that it might not be too bad to not get invited to something I wouldn’t really want to attend anyway. 
    There certainly are situations where you’re actually gonna miss out on stuff you’d like, but how often is this actually the case and how often do you just feel obliged to want something you wouldn’t actually enjoy? 

    It took me a LOT of years to learn that piece of wisdom.

    We are TRAINED from multiple directions when we are young and given expectations of life, many of which (for me) have turned out to be completely false.

    I've also leanred that "disillusionment", is geenrally held to be a bad thing, because the Knowledge that comes with disillusionment cuts you off from the majority. A classical example for me was being disillusioned of the idea that I was "just the same as everybody else".

    Post diagnosis, I now realsie that I am a member of a minority that deviates from the majority, fundamentally and irrepairably (even if I wanted to change) in the way that I see the world and solve problems. The things that put such big smiles on the faces of the NT's simply don't touch me like they do them.. I'll never react the same as them in most situations unless I learn how to fake it. Friendships are indeed statistally speaking harder to form, because fewer peoeple are compatible with me or find enough common ground to form a friendship. The list is massive... 

    The upside of "disillusionment" is of course, that it makes it easier to know God..There's some rubbish I can firmly reject, knowing that whilst the rest can swim in it happily it is toxic to me. And there's some things I have to accept about myself that are toxic to most NT's (or right minded people as they style themselves.)

    As a "high functioning" Autist I hear or read the words to the song "Mongolod" by DEVO, and think, that sounds like my life before diagnosis! 

Children
  • in reply to I Sperg
    I Sperg said:
    I've also leanred that "disillusionment", is geenrally held to be a bad thing

    Yes, many people struggle to understand that those differences were always there and that they do not suddenly appear after this moment of disillusionment. I feel like I’ve been getting better after researching about autism even though I’m not diagnosed or anything. Thank you so much for this insight, especially since I still got a long way to go! It’s really nice to meet so many people with so much more experience on here.