How do I tell my family

Instinct tells me that you may be quite passionate about your family acknowledging and validating your diagnosis and therefore acknowledging and validating you.  With that sort of passion and perhaps, I imagine that if your ASD is like mine, your determination to make your point about the truth as you see it will be strong enough to get the message across eventually.  For what it may be worth my experience has shown me that going about it as calmly and as gently as possible is wise - otherwise strength of conviction can seem too forceful for others to deal with.

As Martin  indicates your family will also be dealing with their emotional reaction to what is taking place and if your ASD is like mine then you might miss the emotional impact that your family is experiencing in response to the news.  Taking things slowly and watching out more consciously for clues to how they are feeling and factoring that into the strategic approach used might help - I suspect they may be feeling a bit of grief themselves on your behalf and for themselves in coming to terms with it.

I understand that the evidence is that the predisposition to autism is 80% genetic - so with that in mind you may also be trying to communicate the knowledge to another autistic person who has been "masking" all their life and not realising it.  As Alien0n3arth has had experience of too.  That may be an explanation for some of the difficulty they have in seeing the (unmasked) truth you present.

Maybe you could explore using the different levels of the social structure that is your family to help.  That is to say analyse "who is who" and what they're like and who might be most likely to be more amenable to understanding to start with and use that knowledge to your advantage with how you go about achieving your aim.

Overall it might be worth explaining that you're not trying to overturn the organisation of your family but instead want to shore up the existing infrastructure with what to you is exciting new knowledge and the possibilities that it brings.

I think that it is worth the effort because it has the potential of bringing a stronger sense of union, community and alliance.

Whatever happens there are people who understand and "get you" for who you are and hanging out with your other family will give a chance to recharge for taking on the challenge.  I'm please you asked so that I have had the chance to be included in that group :-)

All the best!

Thanks, 

in all honesty, i think my dad shows some signs, but both of them were bought up to put up and shut up. The whole family never talks about how they “feel” and are all very opinionated which in itself causes issues, im sure there are others that could be.

I also spend so little time with them that i don't really need there validation or acknowledgment, it was purely a how can i go around being in their eyes polite whilst being true to myself.

i was talking to my sister who is sympathetic but just doesnt really know a lot about it, i was explaining to her that there are some things i just dont care about like she does, the reply was you must be depressed etc, i was saying im not, im quite happy, im just more aware that these feelings or lack there of are my normal, just not yours, and that doesnt make me sad or wrong in any way.

my parents are a lost cause, i get that, i cant really be bothered to get them to understand, its not my loss at the end of the day, i just need to find a way of dealing with them, 

Being true to oneself is a bit of a mountain to climb.  After diagnosis like many others I realised that I didn't know who I was or how I felt.  To some extent this may be part of the neurology of ASD, it may also be part of "masking" so much that I didn't know who I was without it.  Shaking off any personal ambitions about getting others to understand may be just the right tactic to use - dwelling "in the present" without any goals of it means there's more chance to tuning into what is happening both in yourself and in others - without a motive to bias it.  This can reveal things one wouldn't otherwise notice or consider.  That's how I mostly exist, however in interpersonal relationships it doesn't work so well so have to slow down and ask questions of others directly of them about what they need - and make a big effort to be more aware in that area (hard work and there is the reward/versus effort balance to keep in mind I agree)..  Again I suspect this is part of how the wiring of my ASD brain works.  Living in the moment is great for noticing stuff (including what others want/need( but can be also an issue about realising what it is that is you wanted/need longer term  and how to structure and plan to get it tho' (hehe apart from the usual restricted interests probably!)

Enlisting the support of someone close who can help work out what it is that I'm not aware of because "I didn't know I didn't know" helps me a lot.  I also use things like the i-ching to give a different perspective.  Because abstract reasoning is tricky for me these approaches help me "unstick"from repetitive thoughts and behaviours.  If your ASD is like mine I think it possible that you may be on the right lines already and have opportunities to what you seek and just not know it.  Someone who does know how to communicate with the individuals concerned may hold the (to you currently abstract) key to getting the message across perhaps :-)

Being true to oneself is a bit of a mountain to climb.  After diagnosis like many others I realised that I didn't know who I was or how I felt.  To some extent this may be part of the neurology of ASD, it may also be part of "masking" so much that I didn't know who I was without it.  Shaking off any personal ambitions about getting others to understand may be just the right tactic to use - dwelling "in the present" without any goals of it means there's more chance to tuning into what is happening both in yourself and in others - without a motive to bias it.  This can reveal things one wouldn't otherwise notice or consider.  That's how I mostly exist, however in interpersonal relationships it doesn't work so well so have to slow down and ask questions of others directly of them about what they need - and make a big effort to be more aware in that area (hard work and there is the reward/versus effort balance to keep in mind I agree)..  Again I suspect this is part of how the wiring of my ASD brain works.  Living in the moment is great for noticing stuff (including what others want/need( but can be also an issue about realising what it is that is you wanted/need longer term  and how to structure and plan to get it tho' (hehe apart from the usual restricted interests probably!)

Enlisting the support of someone close who can help work out what it is that I'm not aware of because "I didn't know I didn't know" helps me a lot.  I also use things like the i-ching to give a different perspective.  Because abstract reasoning is tricky for me these approaches help me "unstick"from repetitive thoughts and behaviours.  If your ASD is like mine I think it possible that you may be on the right lines already and have opportunities to what you seek and just not know it.  Someone who does know how to communicate with the individuals concerned may hold the (to you currently abstract) key to getting the message across perhaps :-)