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Getting married when you have autism

Programmer37

I was diagnosed with autism early on this year. I currently have a partner who's understands am not the chatty type.  She always tries to initiate a conversation with me. But am scared she might leave me at some point. 

My previous gf broke up with me for this exact reason. 

How do you my fellow autistics get along with their partners?

Parents

  • I was diagnosed last year and have been married for 8 years. My wife actually found it something of a relief just to know why I am the way I am, and we are working through it day-by-day. She wants to understand it and she wants to give me the space to find myself again and structure my life so I can be my autistic self and still be present as a partner. We are working to find the middle ground and I'm willing to temper the worst of my autism where I can. 

    It may be hard to hear but you need a partner who is willing to accept you for who you are. Otherwise the relationship will not succeed. Your partner understands you are not the chatty type and that is good, but maybe work to extend yourself from time to time. I know it is not easy but if you have someone who is willing to understand who you are then I think it is a gift to them to meet them halfway where you can. Autism is not a deal-breaker to the right partner. Conversely, autism should not be something we become unwilling to challenge where possible for the sake of our partners. 

  • in reply to Captain Grover
    Captain Grover said:
    It may be hard to hear but you need a partner who is willing to accept you for who you are. Otherwise the relationship will not succeed. Your partner understands you are not the chatty type

    I just don’t understand how you guys even managed to meet a partner and build a relationship with them, given these issues.

  • in reply to Deleted User

    I was lucky. I met my wife online. We are both writers and met in an online writers group many years ago. At that time I didn't know I was autistic and didn't even really know the extent of my masking. We've had our issues over the years and many of them because I'm the way I am. Many times she just thought I was being a ***, but it turns out I was simply being autistic. The diagnosis has changed everything. So I think being honest about who you are can only benefit you in the long run. 

    It's not easy to meet people, let alone partners, even for neurotypical people. I wish I had the magic formula for you, but there isn't one, I'm afraid. Just be you and you will eventually meet the 'them' for you. 

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  • in reply to Deleted User

    I was lucky. I met my wife online. We are both writers and met in an online writers group many years ago. At that time I didn't know I was autistic and didn't even really know the extent of my masking. We've had our issues over the years and many of them because I'm the way I am. Many times she just thought I was being a ***, but it turns out I was simply being autistic. The diagnosis has changed everything. So I think being honest about who you are can only benefit you in the long run. 

    It's not easy to meet people, let alone partners, even for neurotypical people. I wish I had the magic formula for you, but there isn't one, I'm afraid. Just be you and you will eventually meet the 'them' for you. 

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