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Dating is so hard for Autistic people

AmyLR94

Why is it so hard to find someone genuine when it comes to dating Pensive.

I thought I would take the big step and join Tinder (again) and FB dating (again). Today I was speaking to someone on FB and he sounded nice and genuine, but something was off and he kept calling me babe and baby with kisses. Then he said he was thinking of be all day and then when I said if he could hold back from calling me baby and babe as I don’t know him that well, he deactivates he account after sending me a message saying “Take Care, your not the lady for me” *sighs*

I feel like I should just stay single and alone Pensive, it’s so hard to find someone.

I just want to feel loved and do all those couple things that everyone does SobSob x

UPDATE: Thank you to the people who have commented so far Relaxed️. I have deleted Tinder and FB Dating. I don’t think Dating apps are for me as I find it so hard to understand if someone is being genuine or just messing with my feelings.

I turned 30 this year so I wanted to actually find someone who would like me the way I am *sighs* but it’s difficult to find anyone genuine these days. Looks like I will be alone with pets for the rest of my life. 

Parents

  • I used to be on a dating site and many people were NT and had many of the same issues as you've had, over familiarity, scammers, inauthenticity the lot. Many feel as though they will be alone for the rest of thier lives too with a cat for company, quite a few people said they wouldn't date a woman with a cat. One thing that came up over and over again amongst women was, why do so many men post pictures of themselves with big fish they've just caught? Maybe some men see it as advertising thier prowess at providing or something, most women see it as another way they're going spend weekends and holidays alone.

    I hope you find someone, but this is a problem for NT's and ND's

  • in reply to TheCatWoman
    TheCatWoman said:
    quite a few people said they wouldn't date a woman with a cat

    I don't really get that, sounds ideal - except for the very high risk of developing a close connection with the cat and not the girl......Pensive

  • in reply to JamesB

    I guess the men feared to much competition from the cat.

  • in reply to Iain

    It works both ways men want to know the same stuff too.

    It's good that you can use not being a foreigner to cut through all the BS.

    I agree it's about the person, or should be, to me someone should add something to my life, not take stuff away or constrain it. I think lots of people in later life are afraid they're going to be used as a meal ticket and pension pot for an unscrupulous other. Whilst none of us want to lose any financial security we've gained over the years, we seem to forget that we're looking for a person a human being to share our lives with. For some people I think they'd be better off with an android or escort to hang off thier arm that they can say goodbye to at the end of an evening or stick in a cupboard.

  • in reply to TheCatWoman
    TheCatWoman said:
    One of the thingd that gets me are the lists! Lists of what you do and don't want in a partner

    I agree. From what I see locally for me there are a lot of golddiggers whose first questions are about your income / property ownership / car you drive etc - they get dropped from my list as soon as this appears.

    To my mind it should be about the person, their character and interests (especially at my age where the animal urges are starting to be less of a driver). 

    One advantage I have is that I'm a foreigner here so I can use the culture difference to insist on making things explicitly clear and it meets less pushback. I can speak the language but not the slang and a lot of the everyday phrases that are embedded in pop culture.

    It makes it clearer to have a conversation this way and I guess it helps me come across as more interesting that my cultural background is so different. God knows I need something extra to stand out from the crowd...

  • in reply to Iain

    I think all the games are one of the reasons I limit my interactions with others and as for dating, no, no more relationships for me, I'm not good at them and they seem more trouble than they're worth, I don't think they're good for me either.

    One of the thingd that gets me are the lists! Lists of what you do and don't want in a partner, I know we all have likes and dislikes and things we absolutely couldn't put up with and some things that are essential. But it seems we're encouraged to make very specific lists, bu so called experts, to the point where the likihood of us finding someone who fits all the criteria is impossible.

    I've told people I don't do games and what you see is what you get and been told thats a game too and have someone try and work out what I'm up to. My response is FFS!

  • in reply to TheCatWoman
    TheCatWoman said:
    I don't know what to say now

    Say what you normally would - I have come to terms with it so no need to walk on eggshells.

    The more I look into the cliques of male and female only groups the more I wonder how we survived this long - so many "games" and unspoken rules that seem designed to trip even NTs up.

  • in reply to Iain

    You're right they did, I supsose I think of the manosphere as being a modern internet thing.

    I don't know what to say now I hope my question didn't seem insenstitve, it wasn't meant to be.

Reply Children
  • in reply to Iain

    It works both ways men want to know the same stuff too.

    It's good that you can use not being a foreigner to cut through all the BS.

    I agree it's about the person, or should be, to me someone should add something to my life, not take stuff away or constrain it. I think lots of people in later life are afraid they're going to be used as a meal ticket and pension pot for an unscrupulous other. Whilst none of us want to lose any financial security we've gained over the years, we seem to forget that we're looking for a person a human being to share our lives with. For some people I think they'd be better off with an android or escort to hang off thier arm that they can say goodbye to at the end of an evening or stick in a cupboard.

  • in reply to TheCatWoman
    TheCatWoman said:
    One of the thingd that gets me are the lists! Lists of what you do and don't want in a partner

    I agree. From what I see locally for me there are a lot of golddiggers whose first questions are about your income / property ownership / car you drive etc - they get dropped from my list as soon as this appears.

    To my mind it should be about the person, their character and interests (especially at my age where the animal urges are starting to be less of a driver). 

    One advantage I have is that I'm a foreigner here so I can use the culture difference to insist on making things explicitly clear and it meets less pushback. I can speak the language but not the slang and a lot of the everyday phrases that are embedded in pop culture.

    It makes it clearer to have a conversation this way and I guess it helps me come across as more interesting that my cultural background is so different. God knows I need something extra to stand out from the crowd...

  • in reply to Iain

    I think all the games are one of the reasons I limit my interactions with others and as for dating, no, no more relationships for me, I'm not good at them and they seem more trouble than they're worth, I don't think they're good for me either.

    One of the thingd that gets me are the lists! Lists of what you do and don't want in a partner, I know we all have likes and dislikes and things we absolutely couldn't put up with and some things that are essential. But it seems we're encouraged to make very specific lists, bu so called experts, to the point where the likihood of us finding someone who fits all the criteria is impossible.

    I've told people I don't do games and what you see is what you get and been told thats a game too and have someone try and work out what I'm up to. My response is FFS!

  • in reply to TheCatWoman
    TheCatWoman said:
    I don't know what to say now

    Say what you normally would - I have come to terms with it so no need to walk on eggshells.

    The more I look into the cliques of male and female only groups the more I wonder how we survived this long - so many "games" and unspoken rules that seem designed to trip even NTs up.