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"everyone does this"

gkimmelman

Here's something I thought about recently, and I would like to share with the ASD community as I think it's helpful, especially for those struggling with their Autistic identify.

I hope people find this helpful. Let me know in the comments below.

We've all heard this from a friend or family member when we talk about one of our Autistic behaviours

"everyone does this"

Personally when I hear this I get upset about it. Internally I start asking myself questions such as:

Am I being misunderstood?

Is this actually "normal"?

Am I confusing known  Autistic behaviours with ordinary behaviour?

Am I just doing bad? Am I making mistakes? Am I flawed?

Here's what helps:

When someone responds to you "everyone does this", say to yourself:

But I do it my Autistic way

You shouldn't feel ashamed of the person you are

You know your behaviours can be influenced by your Autism

You should embrace and feel proud of the person you are

Being different is a strength, not a weakness.

If someone doesn't understand, that's ok!

The person you're speaking to may not:

  • Understand Autism as much as you'd hope, and that's ok!
  • Identify as Autistic/Neurodivergent (Neurotypical), and that's ok!
  • Understand how being Autistic impacts you and behaviours deemed "normal", and that's ok!
Parents

  • Good advice!

    I wonder how much this applies to when you're describing your struggles.

    I'll convey one aspect of what causes me difficulty to a family member e.g. "to complete a basic task at work involves large amounts of self-coercion" or "the discomfort I experience most of the time in order to meet others' expectations is quite severe". The response from the family member will be "it's fine / you're perfectly normal / you're doing great / everyone experiences this to some extent". I know they're well-meaning but these comments make things so much worse. If I'd been brave enough to convey the true severity i.e. "these things together are so severe I'd prefer not to be alive", this would not be well received!

Reply

  • Good advice!

    I wonder how much this applies to when you're describing your struggles.

    I'll convey one aspect of what causes me difficulty to a family member e.g. "to complete a basic task at work involves large amounts of self-coercion" or "the discomfort I experience most of the time in order to meet others' expectations is quite severe". The response from the family member will be "it's fine / you're perfectly normal / you're doing great / everyone experiences this to some extent". I know they're well-meaning but these comments make things so much worse. If I'd been brave enough to convey the true severity i.e. "these things together are so severe I'd prefer not to be alive", this would not be well received!

Children
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