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"everyone does this"

gkimmelman

Here's something I thought about recently, and I would like to share with the ASD community as I think it's helpful, especially for those struggling with their Autistic identify.

I hope people find this helpful. Let me know in the comments below.

We've all heard this from a friend or family member when we talk about one of our Autistic behaviours

"everyone does this"

Personally when I hear this I get upset about it. Internally I start asking myself questions such as:

Am I being misunderstood?

Is this actually "normal"?

Am I confusing known  Autistic behaviours with ordinary behaviour?

Am I just doing bad? Am I making mistakes? Am I flawed?

Here's what helps:

When someone responds to you "everyone does this", say to yourself:

But I do it my Autistic way

You shouldn't feel ashamed of the person you are

You know your behaviours can be influenced by your Autism

You should embrace and feel proud of the person you are

Being different is a strength, not a weakness.

If someone doesn't understand, that's ok!

The person you're speaking to may not:

  • Understand Autism as much as you'd hope, and that's ok!
  • Identify as Autistic/Neurodivergent (Neurotypical), and that's ok!
  • Understand how being Autistic impacts you and behaviours deemed "normal", and that's ok!
  • in reply to A

    I know, thats what I said to the person, in the end I think she realised what a truely stupid thing she's said.

  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    Why would us having an opinion “because we’re autistic” be any less valid than an opinion influenced by our gender, nationality, personal attractiveness or a hundred other aspects of our experience of life?

    My experience of life as an autistic person has certainly influenced my views on how society works, how people treat each other and many other things (not inherent to autism, but to its consequences in current society).

  • I do wonder how much pressure people are putting themselves under because a behaviour their showing is normal under the circumstances and almost everybody does so it?

    I think many autists are silenced by NT's who try and "blame" everything a person does on their autism. On another forum some time ago, I was told by someone I disagreed with politically, that I only felt the way I did because I was autistic, needless to say I was outraged and said so, I called this person out publically. I mean how dare someone assume that I'd agree with them if I was "normal" because that's what the subtext was.

    There are many things were I don't think a persons neurology is an issue, yet I see people being disempowered by those, often who say they're there to help, who believe they know whats best, normal, right and proper.

  • I recently been diagnosed with autism and have found some of my family and friends believe I'm imagining something that isn't there and just putting a label to my actions, and they just don't believe that Autism/ADHD, etc exists and it's just that everyone is different. I find it difficult on how to respond to this and even start doubting myself. But that doesn't change that I've had struggles where they haven't, that simply can't be explained away with a 'it's all in your head' reasoning.

  • Good advice!

    I wonder how much this applies to when you're describing your struggles.

    I'll convey one aspect of what causes me difficulty to a family member e.g. "to complete a basic task at work involves large amounts of self-coercion" or "the discomfort I experience most of the time in order to meet others' expectations is quite severe". The response from the family member will be "it's fine / you're perfectly normal / you're doing great / everyone experiences this to some extent". I know they're well-meaning but these comments make things so much worse. If I'd been brave enough to convey the true severity i.e. "these things together are so severe I'd prefer not to be alive", this would not be well received!