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Jealousy, personal space, need to know

Table1

Do you guys know how to go abou this? 

Background I am autistic and suspect very much my husband is too, as well I suspect our child is. 

My husband comes from a family where his father has his issues and his Mother I suspect is autistic. There are some unhealthy ways his father is doing to his wife and family. I think his ways has done som damage to his son, my husband. 

I feel like we have a good marriage for most part, but I notice my husband have this strange jealousy of me which surface when ever he under some sort of strain from his family and by that I mean ultimately his father. 

The jealousy is so weird to me, and when he feels better it is as if it gets better or temporarily goes away. But it always returns. 

Is there something I can do? He can do? It gets stronger in association with his father. As if he gets more alike his son then. Now we are approaching the holidays and I hope he does not get like that, but I dread it.

As he likes order and is a man of habits I do not know how hard it Will be for him to not do this in secret, checking up on me, etc.I think he does it to make him fel more safe in the end of the day.

Parents

  • Read through what I've written earlier and realize I've failed to describe the "weird jealousy".

    He is not threatening or violent or aggressive.

    I've been told by few others that his jealousy is a red flag and that he will get worse with it and that I should leave him because of it, but as I don't recognize him being that type of man they describe I've thought this has to be about something else. To me it is OCD or something like that. I have no desire to leave. 

    We have talked about it in the past. He says he gets afraid to loose me: He gets afraid that someone or something will take me away. Afraid I will be influenced by other people or things I've read to leave him. He needs to know where I am and what I'm up to.

    I've noticed when I talk to a friend on the phone and has gone into another room to be alone he will always turn up and seat himself down with his phone, not saying a word. First I thought he did not understand the need for privacy, but now I understand that too is a "check up", jealousy thing. 

    He told me early on in the relationship that he was jealous of me, but for most part I did not see signs that he was. For most part he's said he would try to hide that he was. 

    As part as us trying to solve this he would confess to things he had done out of jealousy and it was then things he had done behind my back to find out what I was doing at the time. When I heard that I froze as I had no idea he had done those things. I can't even describe the feeling. 

    The way I've understood it it is about his own insecurity and a reassurance when ever he gets like that to "check up". 

    The pattern I've noticed is that this happens when he is under pressure or stressed out about something. It does not have to do with us, but it as if suddenly he suspect my behavior to be different, as if he is over sensitive and get me wrong. He then gets back to normal, but it just feels like this is a never ending cycle and I'm out of ideas how to fight this thing. 

    I've tried to be as open as I can be, to reassure, but also let him know how it makes me feel and expressed my boundaries. 

Reply

  • Read through what I've written earlier and realize I've failed to describe the "weird jealousy".

    He is not threatening or violent or aggressive.

    I've been told by few others that his jealousy is a red flag and that he will get worse with it and that I should leave him because of it, but as I don't recognize him being that type of man they describe I've thought this has to be about something else. To me it is OCD or something like that. I have no desire to leave. 

    We have talked about it in the past. He says he gets afraid to loose me: He gets afraid that someone or something will take me away. Afraid I will be influenced by other people or things I've read to leave him. He needs to know where I am and what I'm up to.

    I've noticed when I talk to a friend on the phone and has gone into another room to be alone he will always turn up and seat himself down with his phone, not saying a word. First I thought he did not understand the need for privacy, but now I understand that too is a "check up", jealousy thing. 

    He told me early on in the relationship that he was jealous of me, but for most part I did not see signs that he was. For most part he's said he would try to hide that he was. 

    As part as us trying to solve this he would confess to things he had done out of jealousy and it was then things he had done behind my back to find out what I was doing at the time. When I heard that I froze as I had no idea he had done those things. I can't even describe the feeling. 

    The way I've understood it it is about his own insecurity and a reassurance when ever he gets like that to "check up". 

    The pattern I've noticed is that this happens when he is under pressure or stressed out about something. It does not have to do with us, but it as if suddenly he suspect my behavior to be different, as if he is over sensitive and get me wrong. He then gets back to normal, but it just feels like this is a never ending cycle and I'm out of ideas how to fight this thing. 

    I've tried to be as open as I can be, to reassure, but also let him know how it makes me feel and expressed my boundaries. 

Children
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