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Overthinking, making decisions, worry, death

Dream

We are thinking of moving house, we have the opportunity to design our home to our specifications. I've spent months checking out every little detail and now is the time to make our decision I'm finding it so hard. My gut feeling is telling me it's the best move. We will be mortgage free (I'm 43) we will be over £1000 a month better off, it's a quiet, private estate in the country but near to amenities. When you drive on it feels like you are away from all the hustle and bustle of live but I'm thinking of everything that could go wrong. Neighbours, dogs barking, it won't be what I imagine, I don't need to worry about children because they can't live on there. I think it's all the stress of everything, the move, the packing, going through all the paperwork, designing the home. Now other things are worrying me, me dying alone if my partner dies before me, when you're dead you are gone forever it scares me, illness. I could go on forever. I have schizoaffective Disorder and I'm waiting for an autism assessment. Is this autism or my mental illness creeping in. I know it's normal to worry etc but I'm not sure what I'm experiencing is a normal level of worry

Parents

  • Someone in my family is getting the results of some scans today. It's happening again to me, this is what I always do even when everyone is ok and I have nothing to worry about. If I can't contact someone by phone I immediately think they have collapsed, have died in their sleep, or something else equally as bad. If someone is driving or going somewhere and they have not contacted me when I think they should have to say they have arrived I immediately think they have had a crash, been involved in a terrorist attack or something else just as bad. I also imagine having to say goodbye to people I love who are on their deathbeds, I can see it all, I can hear everything that would be said. It's like torture. This has happened all my life, when I was a child it was so scary and still is but I need help for this. I'm so confused if it's mental health, autism or just who I am. NHS talking therapies won't take me due to schizoaffective Disorder and my clinic are useless. Any advice would be gratefully appreciated 

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  • Someone in my family is getting the results of some scans today. It's happening again to me, this is what I always do even when everyone is ok and I have nothing to worry about. If I can't contact someone by phone I immediately think they have collapsed, have died in their sleep, or something else equally as bad. If someone is driving or going somewhere and they have not contacted me when I think they should have to say they have arrived I immediately think they have had a crash, been involved in a terrorist attack or something else just as bad. I also imagine having to say goodbye to people I love who are on their deathbeds, I can see it all, I can hear everything that would be said. It's like torture. This has happened all my life, when I was a child it was so scary and still is but I need help for this. I'm so confused if it's mental health, autism or just who I am. NHS talking therapies won't take me due to schizoaffective Disorder and my clinic are useless. Any advice would be gratefully appreciated 

Children
  • in reply to Dream
    Dream said:
    when I was a child it was so scary and still is but I need help for this.

    I think your best approach (Since this is rooted in childhood trauma) is to work with a therapist who is experienced in your neurodiverse conditions.

    It is likely to cost a few hundred quid for a few sessions but they should be able to formulate a strategy for you to continue on your own or with the NHS if you are lucky.

    I pay £50/hour for my therapist and have video calls on my computer for these and I would expect it takes a few sessions to give them time to get a good understanding of your issues and abilities to cope with techniques then they can draw up a plan for you.

    It would be best to tell them up front if you are limited in budget if this is the case and tell them what you want to get out of it (note you don't get "cured" but rather learn to understand and cope better in general.

    Of course I'm just some random person off the internet so don't take this as professional advice - speaking to your GP would be a sensible first thing to do and you could mention this as a talking point if you like.

    Good luck.