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On the fence

esoteric

At the moment I'm about 85% sure I'll never attempt romantic relationships or all the stuff that comes with it.  Mostly from knowing I'm deficient in social, emotional and adult skills plus nobody really makes me feel a spark nor vice versa.

Though it's constantly on my mind like my mind hasn't fully accepted it.

Also I'm fed up with cut and paste platitudes and soothing statements which invalidate those feelings like it's wrong to feel bad.

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  • esoteric said:
    At the moment I'm about 85% sure I'll never attempt romantic relationships or all the stuff that comes with it.  Mostly from knowing I'm deficient in social, emotional and adult skills

    I won't advocate one way or the other but instead ask a question.

    Do you think you are incapable of learning the social skills needed to interface with neurotypicals to try to have a relationship?

    I understand many find it difficult to learn the skills but I don't believe that we are not capable of doing so - rather that most give up because it is hard work and uncomfortable.

    Emotional skills can also be developed (typically best done with the help of a therapist) to get us to better understand our own emotions and express our empathy for others. Oddly enough it is often not that we lack empathy, we just lack the interpritation skills to understand and communicate it. This is what 2 of my therapists have told me so I take it with a degree of trust.

    So that's my question with some context added.

  • in reply to Iain

    I guess it's a kind of cognitive dissonance that's stuck in an infinite loop.

  • in reply to esoteric

    so why not break the loop?

    Formulate a plan to have a new, sustainable way of doing things that includes a way to continuously improve your skills in interacting with others and practice in a way you can manage.

    It won't be easy, but nothing worthwhile ever seems to be.

    The key is to have an adaptive approach - make small improvements each time and keep what works.

    After all, isnt there a saying that "Insanity is repeating the same mistakes and expecting different results"?

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  • in reply to esoteric

    so why not break the loop?

    Formulate a plan to have a new, sustainable way of doing things that includes a way to continuously improve your skills in interacting with others and practice in a way you can manage.

    It won't be easy, but nothing worthwhile ever seems to be.

    The key is to have an adaptive approach - make small improvements each time and keep what works.

    After all, isnt there a saying that "Insanity is repeating the same mistakes and expecting different results"?

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