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On the fence

esoteric

At the moment I'm about 85% sure I'll never attempt romantic relationships or all the stuff that comes with it.  Mostly from knowing I'm deficient in social, emotional and adult skills plus nobody really makes me feel a spark nor vice versa.

Though it's constantly on my mind like my mind hasn't fully accepted it.

Also I'm fed up with cut and paste platitudes and soothing statements which invalidate those feelings like it's wrong to feel bad.

  • Dear esoteric,

    Cognitive dissonance?

    "Infinite loop" = I can understand...wholly......but how are you suffering cognitive dissonance?

    Rest assured, I'm not trying to be "cute" with that question......I am genuinely interested!

    Your earlier message on this forum suggesting "chemical castration" and " go f*ck yourselves" (or words to that effect?) have not escaped my notice......or to be more precise...I think you accused this forum of being an echo chamber of 'just a few voices'....or words to that effect?

    Again - esoteric - rest assured that I am not trying to be "cute" with that question either...in actual fact, I had made the same point myself a few weeks ago fyi.....so rest assured, again, I am genuinely interested and asking a genuine question rather than being combative/inviting a fight.

    DISAMBIGUATION - I neither seek a fight, nor will I engage in one.  However, I would be delighted to engage in a discussion about the questions I (hopefully, respectfully) raise above.

    Yours, assuredly

    Number.

  • in reply to esoteric

    so why not break the loop?

    Formulate a plan to have a new, sustainable way of doing things that includes a way to continuously improve your skills in interacting with others and practice in a way you can manage.

    It won't be easy, but nothing worthwhile ever seems to be.

    The key is to have an adaptive approach - make small improvements each time and keep what works.

    After all, isnt there a saying that "Insanity is repeating the same mistakes and expecting different results"?

  • in reply to Iain

    I guess it's a kind of cognitive dissonance that's stuck in an infinite loop.

  • esoteric said:
    At the moment I'm about 85% sure I'll never attempt romantic relationships or all the stuff that comes with it.  Mostly from knowing I'm deficient in social, emotional and adult skills

    I won't advocate one way or the other but instead ask a question.

    Do you think you are incapable of learning the social skills needed to interface with neurotypicals to try to have a relationship?

    I understand many find it difficult to learn the skills but I don't believe that we are not capable of doing so - rather that most give up because it is hard work and uncomfortable.

    Emotional skills can also be developed (typically best done with the help of a therapist) to get us to better understand our own emotions and express our empathy for others. Oddly enough it is often not that we lack empathy, we just lack the interpritation skills to understand and communicate it. This is what 2 of my therapists have told me so I take it with a degree of trust.

    So that's my question with some context added.