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The relationships and intimacy strategy thread

Peter

The purpose of this thread

Most autistic people seem to have issues with their love lives and forming romantic relationships. But most of us seem to really want it. So why don't we pool our knowledge?

This is a place to share what has and hasn't worked for you when it comes to finding sex and or love. Happy married? Tell us how it happened. Did your pick up line crash and burn? Tell us here.

This is the place to brainstorm on how to help autistic people improve their love lives whether that's a one night stand or finding the one and only love of their lives.

What is this thread not!

This is not a looking for a date thread.

This is not the place to moan about how afully hard dating is etc. Productive discussion please. Even if that's just learning from others mistakes.

  • in reply to Lotus
    Lotus said:
    for straight girls reading this, remember that guys may be very shy, and so, they are often grateful that a girl shows an interest in them. They are not always good at recognising flirting - particularly if they are autistic, so it may help to be more direct, with a friendly smile

    Great post Pixiefox. I so agree with this. I know I have missed opportunities through sheer uncertainty about whether people were just being friendly or flirting or in one case really quite obvious over a period of months, but never explicit.

  • Good idea for a thread. I sometimes feel a bit guilty because I've been married for over 40 years and there are so many people who cannot find their "Other half", but I'll try to help if I can.

    So, how did we meet? - through mutual friends. I had to take the lead and ask him if he'd like to go out with me though - so for straight girls reading this, remember that guys may be very shy, and so, they are often grateful that a girl shows an interest in them. They are not always good at recognising flirting - particularly if they are autistic, so it may help to be more direct, with a friendly smile of course. I know that many girls wouldn't dream of asking a guy out, but in my opinion that could be why some of them are still single. (What happened to "girl power"?Grin)

    How to get from "seeing someone" to officially partners? - Take the time to talk to each other and find out what their interests, likes, dislikes and opinions are. Don't pretend to like something they do if it bores you - be honest and if you have some different interests, see if you can each do those with other friends or on your own, at a mutually agreed time. I don't believe that a relationship will work if there is not enough common ground though, so if you're spending too much time away from each other doing things you can't share it might be best to move on. If you really "click" there may come a day when you realise that you want to spend your life with this person.

    How to avoid jealousy and misunderstandings? - first, make sure that you both have the same level of "neediness" - I'm what some people call " high maintenance " so a lot of NT men wouldn't want to be with me. Some people think you should spend most of your time with your best friend rather than your partner - I think your partner should be your best friend - we're all different, so try to get a good match, and be completely honest with each other (oh, and ditch any good looking friends you have - no, only joking! Smile)

    I'm a bit of an old romantic, so I love to hear about people finding love. I hope others will share their experiences.