The relationships and intimacy strategy thread

This is a very good looking thread! I'll add my perspective, even if it pales in comparison to the stuff people like Debbie have already talked about:

So i've been in one relationship previously with a lovely woman who was my age and also on the spectrum. We were dating for almost a year until my departure to Thailand amongst other missteps on my part caused us to part ways cordially. (We're still friends and talk fairly frequently) What it mostly came down to for us was an issue of Intimacy and Communication, which I think are two things a lot of Autistic folks tend to struggle with when working out how to get and maintain a relationship. 

As far as the Intimacy issue went, I'm more physical in how I like to show my affection than she was at the time. We established a compromise early into the relationship where I would sit farther away on the sofa than her, and she would communicate to me when she felt comfortable for me to get closer. In hindsight I believe I pushed her boundaries a bit too far over time, but a consistent theme until the month we broke up was regular communication of our needs and working through how to address them. 

Every person on the spectrum has different needs and wants; communicating that to your partner will be essential for any relationship to last into the long term. I think my first experience ultimately boiled down to us wanting different things that couldn't be reconciled combined with miscommunication at the end. 

I also think that my Mental Health taking a dive after University definitely didn't help matters, and I wish I was willing to take a step back to sort out my issues rather than venting to other people whenever I could. This is an issue that still affects me, and I think drives some of my friends up the wall when I start venting about life and how messy my situation is. It's something I am going to be working on actively once i'm home. I went to CBT before via the NHS but it never made any long-lasting differences, and I think I may need someone more specifically in tune with Autistic patients if I can. 

When I do start looking for a relationship again, I think I would like to be with someone who is Autistic despite that first experience. Having someone who can understand your sensory needs more easily makes a world of difference in my view. But I still have work to do on myself first, and it's very difficult to love someone else if you can't love yourself. (Not helped by my general lack of self worth issues but hey! We're trying, right?)

This is a very good looking thread! I'll add my perspective, even if it pales in comparison to the stuff people like Debbie have already talked about:

So i've been in one relationship previously with a lovely woman who was my age and also on the spectrum. We were dating for almost a year until my departure to Thailand amongst other missteps on my part caused us to part ways cordially. (We're still friends and talk fairly frequently) What it mostly came down to for us was an issue of Intimacy and Communication, which I think are two things a lot of Autistic folks tend to struggle with when working out how to get and maintain a relationship. 

As far as the Intimacy issue went, I'm more physical in how I like to show my affection than she was at the time. We established a compromise early into the relationship where I would sit farther away on the sofa than her, and she would communicate to me when she felt comfortable for me to get closer. In hindsight I believe I pushed her boundaries a bit too far over time, but a consistent theme until the month we broke up was regular communication of our needs and working through how to address them. 

Every person on the spectrum has different needs and wants; communicating that to your partner will be essential for any relationship to last into the long term. I think my first experience ultimately boiled down to us wanting different things that couldn't be reconciled combined with miscommunication at the end. 

I also think that my Mental Health taking a dive after University definitely didn't help matters, and I wish I was willing to take a step back to sort out my issues rather than venting to other people whenever I could. This is an issue that still affects me, and I think drives some of my friends up the wall when I start venting about life and how messy my situation is. It's something I am going to be working on actively once i'm home. I went to CBT before via the NHS but it never made any long-lasting differences, and I think I may need someone more specifically in tune with Autistic patients if I can. 

When I do start looking for a relationship again, I think I would like to be with someone who is Autistic despite that first experience. Having someone who can understand your sensory needs more easily makes a world of difference in my view. But I still have work to do on myself first, and it's very difficult to love someone else if you can't love yourself. (Not helped by my general lack of self worth issues but hey! We're trying, right?)