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The relationships and intimacy strategy thread

Peter

The purpose of this thread

Most autistic people seem to have issues with their love lives and forming romantic relationships. But most of us seem to really want it. So why don't we pool our knowledge?

This is a place to share what has and hasn't worked for you when it comes to finding sex and or love. Happy married? Tell us how it happened. Did your pick up line crash and burn? Tell us here.

This is the place to brainstorm on how to help autistic people improve their love lives whether that's a one night stand or finding the one and only love of their lives.

What is this thread not!

This is not a looking for a date thread.

This is not the place to moan about how afully hard dating is etc. Productive discussion please. Even if that's just learning from others mistakes.

Parents

  • A youtube channel I can recommend is JimmyOnRelationships. He does a lot of shorts that are concise and direct examples of issues that can crop up in relationships, explained in open detail. Not everything he offers will be directly suitable for us, because it's not catered for autism. But you can always learn something, if you have the awareness to disseminate the helpful information from the unhelpful, and how it can apply to you.

    From personal experience, you have to learn what the little things the other person likes about relationships are. When asked, people tend to go for the big things like "Honesty, equality, loyalty" and all that. While important, what you need to look for are the things that make them feel loved and cared for in moments. A touch when you have to step away, to let them know you're always aware of them. Remembering their commitments like you would remember your own. Remembering things about them in general.

    Try this. If you have someone you like, keep a diary of things you learn about them. I'm not talking extreme detail dossiers like some stalker serial killer file. Things they like, important dates, names of their friends and family. It means a lot to people when they talk about something personal and you bring up something that proves you were listening. Just make sure to keep it cute, because the last thing you want is for the other person to find the diary and for it to look like a CIA document.

    And remember. "It is not a lack of love, but of friendship, that makes for unhappy marriages." - Nietzsche.

  • in reply to Oran G. Utan
    Oran G. Utan said:
    "It is not a lack of love, but of friendship, that makes for unhappy marriages." - Nietzsche.

    This quote gets to the real heart of it - the initial passion of being "in love" will gradually fade as the years go by, but you can be best friends "until death do you part"

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