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Manager saying I was combative and rude

squishylea

I work from home and recently had a power cut due to storm Bert, so I was without power from Sunday morning through to Monday evening.

I text my line manager on the Sunday to warn that I may not have power the next day and rang her on Monday to say that I still had no power and that I couldn't log on to work.

When I logged back on Tuesday morning I had an email from her saying that HR were not going to pay me even though in our adverse weather and disruption policy states they would pay for up to 3 days if all reasonable attempts were made to work.

I responded with: 'I am confused, point 4 says they would treat up to three days of absence caused by disruption as special paid leave, what is the reason for not honouring this? I might have to go to citizens advice at this point as my pay keeps being targeted - I literally had no power, I lost all my frozen food, I couldn't even bathe.'

To which HR responded they had made a mistake and I would be paid for the day so as far as I was concerned the matter was closed.

Today (Wednesday) I was in a meeting with my line manager and she said that my response to her email was incredibly combative and she felt attacked.  She mentioned that she has been nothing but supportive and putting 'her neck on the line' (which I think means she was putting herself at some kind of risk?) to support me with things such as my occupational health review which is a result of my asking for reasonable adjustments, and how she made sure I didn't need to attend the London meeting recently as she knows that it was very difficult and the head of the department was not happy with the decision etc.  

She said that my response to her email made her feel like I was attacking her and 'throwing the rule book at her' because it went straight from her trying to support me to me mentioning citizens advice.

I don't understand what I have done.  I agree she has been supportive in those aspects and I did not intent to come across that at all, I was trying to be open an honest which is what she says she wants from me.  I don't want to make her feel attacked, I was just trying to be honest and mentioned citizens advice because I didn't understand and they are an institute which would be able to advise me. She said my response should have been something similar to 'Sorry, I don't understand can you tell me why they came to this decision?' which I am also confused as to why I would apologise for seeking the information and also I was trying to give context as to my situation.

I apologised but I do not think she understood my intentions or didn't want to accept.  I feel awful but I also don't understand. How do I relay this to her without coming across as rude or not genuine?

Parents

  • Ah this just explains why my manager was annoyed when I once sent a very similar e-mail. It was about sick leave, they weren't going to pay so I noted a rule in the contract but she hated that I'd pointed it out. I think she felt I was undermining her. I guess I was supposed to be more subtle in my response.

    I've been told many times that I don't 'play the game'. The game sounds too complicated to me, the NT world is a confusing place :-(

  • in reply to Cloud44

    The social 'rules' of life are something I've never understood ... Say what you mean, and mean what you say, that's the rules I follow ... I cannot ever fathom why telling someone what they want to hear/changing what you say because you're considering their feelings, is the right way to go about it. Boggles me

  • in reply to Literal_Joe

    I always think, everyone is born is a blank slate, no one is born knowing social rules. Some people can learn them, some people cannot. But they are socially constructed, so why are they right and we are wrong? The autistic way is much simpler, every one knows where they stand, things get sorted, no one is making things over compilated.

  • in reply to Literal_Joe
    Literal_Joe said:
    The Equality Act is at play, and relevant here, as the law requires an employer to make reasonable adjustments for a disabled employee

    And my point remains that there are no reasonable adjustments you can make for something that is not governed or controlled such as "the Social Rules of Life" that you refer to.

    You may as well try to herd cats - it will not happen as what you are trying to make everyone do is not within your control to do so.

    Literal_Joe said:
    It's not about "forcing the will" of the 2% onto the 98% ... It's about the 98% accepting, and indeed understanding, the differences in the 2%

    You are trying to force them to accept/understand - exactly what I said. You can ask them to do this but to force them to do so is folly.

    I think we are reaching the point where I am saying one thing and you are misunderstanding it - repeatedly.

    I lack the patience to correct you any further. I'm out.

Reply
  • in reply to Literal_Joe
    Literal_Joe said:
    The Equality Act is at play, and relevant here, as the law requires an employer to make reasonable adjustments for a disabled employee

    And my point remains that there are no reasonable adjustments you can make for something that is not governed or controlled such as "the Social Rules of Life" that you refer to.

    You may as well try to herd cats - it will not happen as what you are trying to make everyone do is not within your control to do so.

    Literal_Joe said:
    It's not about "forcing the will" of the 2% onto the 98% ... It's about the 98% accepting, and indeed understanding, the differences in the 2%

    You are trying to force them to accept/understand - exactly what I said. You can ask them to do this but to force them to do so is folly.

    I think we are reaching the point where I am saying one thing and you are misunderstanding it - repeatedly.

    I lack the patience to correct you any further. I'm out.

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